bus

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. Yes.
  
  
• what had happened just before?
  discussion about abuse, felt pressered to do something that I am terrified to do
  
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  betrayed, hurt, pressured, trapped, no way out, I have to do it, terrified, I felt like a bad person who deserved it
  
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  I tried for 2 hours to distract and to get help, but it wasn't working, and I couldn't hold back any longer...
  
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw. it had to do with the abuse, emotional flashback, feelings were so intense, I don't know where I could have made a different decision, I felt SU, I felt like stabbing myself in the chest...(edit if you have to sorry) I think the cut I made was small by comparison....
  
  
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? Well I just came off a couple of meds under pdoc's supervision, and I haven't been sleeping well for the past 5 days, plus I was manic for 3 days too
  
  
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? distraction, talking to the person who triggered me, posting on BUS, played video games, worked for 2hrs
  
  
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? distraction on BUS usually is my best coping method, but I could have called someone..but I'm always afraid I will be bugging them...I have used ice cubes before, I could have tried that, prayer?
  
  
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again. my coping box, I won't forget BUS that's the first thing I do cope
  
  
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? situation is not resolved, I've already beed thinking about what to say about not doing something I'm terrified to do, no one can force me...abuse issues-continue to work on it in therapy and myself
  
  
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? Yes, because I will be talking to this person again, and their attitude scares me, it might trigger another emotional flashback, intrusive thoughts
  
  
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

I don't know if I can commit to it but I can say I will try? But I can't guarantee it will happen? Call someone, distraction, BUS

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  
  
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  
  
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  
  
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  
  
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  
  
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?

After You Beat an Urge
How do you beat your urges? Examine how you beat the last one so it can help you beat the next one.

• Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?
  
  
• If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?
  
  
• What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?
  
  
• Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?
  
  
• If No - What coping skills got me through?
  
  
• Why do I think they worked?
  
  
• How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in?

Seradjernie wrote:Heya shellz, just a few thoughts:

what were you thinking and feeling?
betrayed, hurt, pressured, trapped, no way out, I have to do it, terrified, I felt like a bad person who deserved it

I dont know the full story but i think its so hard to get out of that space of feeling trapped and scared. You know you didnt deserve it.

I still feel like I deserve it and worse...much worse...

Seradjernie wrote:

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw. it had to do with the abuse, emotional flashback, feelings were so intense, I don't know where I could have made a different decision, I felt SU, I felt like stabbing myself in the chest...(edit if you have to sorry) I think the cut I made was small by comparison....

Yes i know what you mean about feeling being so intense, stabbing myself in the chest can be for me a way of releasing the pain i feel there. Yes it was small in comparison and thats good (obviosly) Sorry you felt SU, did that pass after you SI'ed?

No it didn't, I didn't get any relief from the SI really, for some certain reasons I think I'm not allowed to explain here, and I'm scared because I have been SU all day today and am right now too...and am thinking I am going to have to call someone but don't want to end up IP?

Seradjernie wrote:

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? distraction on BUS usually is my best coping method, but I could have called someone..but I'm always afraid I will be bugging them...I have used ice cubes before, I could have tried that, prayer?

I know what you measn about bugging them, i always think though they would rather you do that than hurt yourself. Elastic bands are a bit like ice cubes as well. Do you find prayer has helped in the past?

I've tried elastic bands, and lets just say it's not a good idea for me(I have used them to SI)..prayer hasn't helped me in the past, actually, I'm afraid to try it before I SI, because if I pray and then I do end up SIing does that mean that God hasn't answered my prayers? And he doesn't care about me, I'm afraid to find out.

Seradjernie wrote:

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? Yes, because I will be talking to this person again, and their attitude scares me, it might trigger another emotional flashback, intrusive thoughts

Can you explain to them how there attitude effects you? or can you avoid them more? Doesnt sound like a good person to be around.

It's not so much her attitude, but her lack of knowledge or understanding of my mental illness and abilities or lack of ablilites. She's trying to help me, and I'm ultra sensitive right now due to my PSTD acting up, I should have explained myself to her better, she's not a bad person, it's how I am taking it mostly I think....She's just pushing me too fast, thinks I can do more than I can at this point... I can make it so I could avoid her but then I'd feel like a failure. I want to be around her she says she loves me and wants to help me. Alot of it was because we talked about the abuse too. That was a big trigger, that and feeling trapped...but the trapped was more of my thinking, not her forcing me...she said I didn't have to, but her just bringing it up, made me feel I like I had to do it but it's something that I feel I can't do right now...I don't know????

Seradjernie wrote:
I think you did well over all hun hope that person doesnt put you in that situation again.

Thank you, I hope so too. But I am afraid and confused.