bus

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  it will keep me going for another few days. release what has built up
  
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  it would bring release, validity of my internal... pain? It would take away... it would make me feel attention seeking...
  
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  it would last a few days. then depending on where things are, the feeling could come back. I daresay I would self injure again then, or break down.
  
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I could admit my feelings, go for a walk. It will take me from the place i am in... physically. Mentally it could make it worse if it does not work out. I don;t know how long it would last, i have not tried it before.
  
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  I will feel bad, becasue the reasons i have done it. I'm not sure about the other thing...
  
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I want to be loved. this feeling, i cna't really describe it... its like lonliness... i want somone to know, i want somebody's attention. i feel like self injuring right now is just attention seeking. not that anybody would know or see, but i would still know and see, which would make me feel perhaps worse in the long run. I can do the other thing and not self injure. i might feel worse off, but i can still say i did not do it for attention.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  i can pretty much blame it on being alone. not alone in theres nobody around or on msn, but i am alone. I want to physically be in the presence of another person, like a mate. someone who is not here by default. but by choice. perhaps it is needing to feel not like a loser freak.
  
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  yes i have, the other night. I potterd around for a while and then just snapped. i self injured. afterwards i felt calm and was able to sleep. its like the feeling that had bulit up was leaked out of me. then i felt awful. i si'd becasue i was so lonely, the lonliness was so intense. you can take it down to me self injuring because i did not et what i wanted. i felt and feel ashamed.
  
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  i have tried conversation, removing myself from triggers. i have been smokeing alot. i can go for a walk. i can ask someone to come for a walk. I can go to bed.
  
• How do I feel right now?
  alone. sad. angry. it fills me with empty. kind of tingly. like a craving for a smoke that no amout of cigarettes can fix.
  
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  i will feel nothing. i will just be.
  
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  i will feel ashamed and stupid. just after hurting myself i will feel calm, a release.
  
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  i probably can, but i can;t give it up. its hard to explain. i suppouse i could deal with it better, arrange a meeting with a mate or somethng during the daytime, so at night i don't get like this.
  
• Do I need to hurt myself?

no. i don't need to or really want to.

i just feel so fucking awful. I am glad that is is not becasue my mood is cycling, however, i wish i could have progressed from my 16 year old emotional mentality.

Hi

Loneliness is hard. No question about it. I think humans are social creatures, and being cut off from that can be really difficult.

I didn't quite get your situation. Was it that you're low on actual friends you can see/be with right now, or was it that at night things get overwhelming and you want someone there but at night you can't have them? Or something else entirely? If you can explain that to me then I'll try and put my thinking cap on and root around for some ideas for you.

Hey Smeagol.

I think it is both, not being able tohave someone here when it gets overwhelming, and being low on people I can see/be with.

It was a very specific lonliness for friends in paticular, so I ugess the former was more applicable.

I think now was that I could not let myself go to bed just in case there was a offer of companionship that i missed, which just made things worse. Silly pfd.

Loneliness is one of the hardest emotions for me to handle, as well. Wish I had some words of wisdom, but at the very least, just know you aren't the only one to struggle with not hurting yourself because of loneliness.

i'm always around if you want to talk more.
sarah

purplefroggydishwasher wrote:
I think now was that I could not let myself go to bed just in case there was a offer of companionship that i missed, which just made things worse. Silly pfd.

I so get that. I don't go to bed in the hopes of an email and then it doesn't come and it doesn't come and I get upsetter and upsetter.

Is there anything you can do to increase the stock of people around? I'm not suggesting you aim for soulmates, but people you can drop an email to, people you can go to the cinema with, that sort of thing? I ask because there've been times in my life when I've had almost no-one around and it really hurts, and I just cold-bloodedly went out and tried to amke friends, no matter how shitty I felt and how much I wanted to stay in and hide. It helped as well.

In terms of loneliness for particular people, is there anything to do to sort of keep them in your heart? I have a stuffed toy my bf gave me. It's not the same as a real hug but it's better than nothing. Sometimes I look at old photographs as well to remind me that the relationships exist and we have happy times, even if right now I'm on my own. Can you text any of the people you were yearning for, just to establish a light "touch" with them, even if you can't actually talk to them?