bus

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:



how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
it'll go worse coz i'm not supposed to harm myself but i'll feel relieved

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
as i said things would go worse coz i commited to not si but i dunno what else to do to get rid of this emotional pain i'm going thru

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
farther of course i know si is the worst option available but it's also the only one i wish i didnt feel guilty about doing it like i used to but i cant anymore

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
it'll last till i fall asleep and wake up in the morning if any what will i do then? i have no idea, i guess get up and do what i'm supposed to do, go to school and stuff

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i could make myself cry or write everything down in my journal it'll last the same till i fall asleep and wake up and i would pretend nothing happened

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
on one hand i'll feel very guilty coz i promised to fight but on the other hand i would feel relieved and proud of myself because something inside me tells me this is where i belong

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i wanna cry a lot. i wanna feel ok and actually enjoy it. i wanna get rid of the guilt trip i'm going thru
i have never understood the second part of this question

the second part of the question says "Look, you want to hurt yourself for a reason. You have some feelings you want to get rid of or you have some need you want to fill. Si is one way of filling that need. How else can you fill it?"

You don't need to pretend nothing happens. You're hurting right now. Recognise that. Validate that. It's okay to hurt. It's okay to be upset about things. Self-injury is one way of validating those feelings because it leaves a visible reminder of them. But there are other ways. Writing down, like you say. Telling somebody. Telling yourself. Saying "I'm upset so I'm going to be gentle and kind ot myself".

Do you know why you're hurting? What you're upset about? What do you *feel*? If you don't know wht you feel, only that it hurts, try these threads: http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=6769 and http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=6791. Figuring that out is the first step. If you know what you're feeling then you can find another way to handle that feeling.

thanks for the explanation. i'll go visit those threads right now