bus

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  
  That's a very good question. I think I felt like I had so much pent up emotion that I had no other outlet for it. That hasn't happened in a while.
  
  
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  
  There for the taking. It was late and quiet with no one around, and there are always tools in the house that I can't get rid of.
  
  
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  
  I probably would have curled up in a ball under my covers and white-knuckled through it like I have been doing.
  
  
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  
  It would have increased.
  
  
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  
  Being alone, after dark, and feeling miserable.
  
  
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?

I would almost feel relieved. If I never had the opportunity again, then I wouldn't have the stress of worrying that I was going to hurt myself again.

After You Beat an Urge
How do you beat your urges? Examine how you beat the last one so it can help you beat the next one.

• Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?
  
  Yes, I think.
  
  
• If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?
  
  Fear and stress, mostly. I figured it out by thinking about what had happened to make me feel so upset and by answering the "before" questions.
  
  
• What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?
  
  I cleaned (and I mean scrubbed!), did laudry, took a hot shower, used some nice lotion, wore my pjs all day, knit, pet the cat, made a cup of tea, watched some TV, and talked to friends, posted on BUS.
  
  
• Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?
  
  I think so. I could have broken out my wallet for a lift ticket - snowboarding usually gives me an adrenaline rush, makes me feel good, and tires me out.
  
  
• If No - What coping skills got me through?
  
  
• Why do I think they worked?
  
  I think most of them worked because they served as comfort and distractions. Posting on BUS works because it makes me think about how I'm feeling and where those feelings came from, and it pleases me that I might be able to help someone out, even if I am hurting.
  
  
• How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in?

I don't know! I really thought I was on the right track with my coping mechanisms. It was very late when I SIed. maybe try to get some sleep, even though I was feeling restless and wired.

Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.

Hi stevie,

I'm really impressed by all the things you tried. They all sound like really good ideas, and I'm sorry they didn't work for you. I think you were on the right track though. The rubbishy thing about self-injury is that it's pretty much instant, whereas the other coping mechanisms are incremental. Cleaning makes you feel a bit better, the cat makes you feel a bit better, but you've got that tantalising "okay" dangling on the edges of your consciousness, and that's really difficult to fight.

It sounds to me like you did all the right things and you did really well in a difficult situation. You say it was late when you were si'd. That makes sense, if you were tired out from fighting urges but not yet able to sleep. That's when you're going to find it hardest. Fighting urges is hard work. STruggling on is hard work. Don't underestimate that or what you achieved. When you're in this situation again, could you try making a pact with you that you will si if you still want to in the morning? I'm thinking that by that stage in the day maybe you've run out of distractions, and it basically boils down to saying "no", but when that's not an option then things can get scary, so I'm wondering whether the 15 minute or 24 hour rule might help. Would things seem better in the morning and therefore might that technique work?

You mention snowboarding - is there any other (cheaper!) exercise to do. That will boost your mood and as you point out, it would wear you out so maybe you could get to sleep.

Hm. I think if I get to this point again, maybe I will try In 15 minutes... or tomorrow morning... Because you're right, I feel like I tried everything I could think of. I've been working really hard lately. And it is exhausting!

Hm. Other exercises. That's tough right now, because it's winter, and I have asthma, so running outside tends to give me trouble breathing. Maybe I'll look into a pilates tape or something.

I don't feel like I acheived anything, but it makes me feel good to know someone does. I feel like I failed. But I will keep trying to remember the progress I made before I SIed.

Love,
Stevie

That's tough right now, because it's winter, and I have asthma, so running outside tends to give me trouble breathing.

Can you jump? Get a skipping rope? Just jump without a rope in the middle of your floor? I find jumping to be something I can't do half-heartedly, and it does realise happy hormones. Or even can you get out for a walk? If it's winter and it's cold then you'd probably get sleepy when you came in just from the contrast.

You've still got that progress. Si-ing doesn't take away the fact that you resisted however long and you tried all these new ideas and you posted here and tried to figure out why you were doing it. *Nothing* can take that away. Si-ing means you ran out of ideas and energy, that's all. Not that you're a failure. Very few people manage to quit outright. You're doing good.