bus

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. yes i have
  
  
• what had happened just before? i was feeling so sad and desperate, i needed something to stop before i crashed
  
  
• what were you thinking and feeling? i was thinking life is pointless and i wanted to die and never make it to the morning. i felt overwhelmed and ready to explode and commit su.
  
  
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  the pressure. it was way too much pressure for me to take it. i couldnt ask for anyones help. if didnt do anything to make me "land" i would've probably lost my mind.
  
  
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw. i was lying in bed, actually sitting. crying my eyes out. i just didnt think it twice. i locked myself in the bathroom, and hurt myself. the point that could've made a difference was when i got up from bed. i could've stopped and came back to bed, but something pushed me out of there.
  
  
• were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? there were no outside factors.
  
  
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? i cried, and i doodled on my wrists with a red pen. i also wrote what i was feeling.
  
  
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? i dont know, i was too desperate i couldnt think clearly or take account of my actions.
  
  
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  take a deep breath - ask for my mom's or someone else's help - remember what i've learned in therapy (the positive thoughts put up in my head)
  
  
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? it is in the process of getting solved. i went to see my pdoc today and that helped a lot.
  
  
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? i am definitely likely to be there again, but i will take action before the overwhelming feelings take over my mind.
  
  
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

call my mom and ask her for help
pray
take a deep breath and remember the thoughts put up in my head

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other? the overwhelming feelings
  
  
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking? i think it just was meant to happen.
  
  
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge? i would've ended up hurting myself no matter what, i'm pretty sure about it
  
  
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased? definitely increased
  
  
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling? the three above
  
  
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?

overwhelmed
urgy
desperate
anxious
probably panicked

Can I ask a question, did you think about the consequences?

I ask because I can really empathise with what you describe, and for me when that happens it's like I get this cool calm resolve that this is what I'm going to do and I don't care. Sort of dissociated. Too much, can't cope, switching off brain. Only once I overdosed by doing that and, well, if that's how it was for you then you could do really dangerous stuff. So I wondered whether it was like that for you, and if so I wondered whethe rthere was anything you could do to fight off that "right, I'm doing it"ness, e.g. by thinking of the consequences, keeping a list by your tools etc

hey
now that i recall, i never thought of the consequences. i just got up from bed and did it. it happened too fast for me to think about it.
it was like scene 1 i'm on bed.... scene 2 i'm sitting on the bathrooms floor. there was nothing between the two scenes.

oh....and thanks for asking

Do you often have that? One thing that might help is working on grounding exercises, focussing on your physical surroundings. Dissociating is really dangerous because it means you're not processing what you're doing, and you could do yourself a lot of harm that way. Could you make yourself lists of positives? They might not cheer you up that much but if they can keep you focussed on pros and cons then that's good.