Before
Posted: Sun Dec 31, 2006 9:20 pm
OK I haven't done this for a while so apologies if I sounds stupid.
* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel calmer, heads racing a little at the moment, admittedly have had alcohol, but feel like I will be more in control.
* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring a sense of shame, but it will also bring calmness, and a sense of justice, a sense of rebellion, which i know i shouldn't use to cut but its a powerful force right now.
* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
In the long run I want to stop feeling angry and hurt and selfish. SI might tkae away the anger...
* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Relief might last a little while, but when it goes I know that it will feel worse that I will have let eberyone down and I dont want to feel like that tonight
* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
OK, instead I could go play guitar, write, eat. That could stop the buzzing inside i guess. why is it that sometimes this feeling is so reluctant to be let go of?????
* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Tomorrow I will feel like a failure I dont want to start the new year this way after only 2 slips in 6months. If I dont I will feel proud.
* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Not sure it all feels so conflicted, part of my head wants to run off and rebel, i've kept eerything so close for so long, it senses freedon, but I need to keep this in I cant let them down.
* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Needs come from going home and being made to feel selfish for having moved away, being blamed for my bro being sick cos I went. And feeling unstable in who i am.
* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I haven't been like this, in this way since i moved out, which is why it feels so alien and out of control. Before I would give in.
* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Been on distractions, games, typed up poetry.
* How do I feel right now?
Unsettled
* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Elated, god does that sound bad??? Sorry.
* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
After comes the fear.....
* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I;ve tried talking it out but it won't go away, my mums got me putting up all the barriers again that Ive taken so long to let go of.
* Do I need to hurt myself?
Need - I guess not. Want to - yes..............
Sorry if all that sounds odd. Thanks if you read.
* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel calmer, heads racing a little at the moment, admittedly have had alcohol, but feel like I will be more in control.
* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring a sense of shame, but it will also bring calmness, and a sense of justice, a sense of rebellion, which i know i shouldn't use to cut but its a powerful force right now.
* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
In the long run I want to stop feeling angry and hurt and selfish. SI might tkae away the anger...
* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Relief might last a little while, but when it goes I know that it will feel worse that I will have let eberyone down and I dont want to feel like that tonight
* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
OK, instead I could go play guitar, write, eat. That could stop the buzzing inside i guess. why is it that sometimes this feeling is so reluctant to be let go of?????
* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Tomorrow I will feel like a failure I dont want to start the new year this way after only 2 slips in 6months. If I dont I will feel proud.
* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Not sure it all feels so conflicted, part of my head wants to run off and rebel, i've kept eerything so close for so long, it senses freedon, but I need to keep this in I cant let them down.
* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Needs come from going home and being made to feel selfish for having moved away, being blamed for my bro being sick cos I went. And feeling unstable in who i am.
* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I haven't been like this, in this way since i moved out, which is why it feels so alien and out of control. Before I would give in.
* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Been on distractions, games, typed up poetry.
* How do I feel right now?
Unsettled
* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Elated, god does that sound bad??? Sorry.
* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
After comes the fear.....
* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I;ve tried talking it out but it won't go away, my mums got me putting up all the barriers again that Ive taken so long to let go of.
* Do I need to hurt myself?
Need - I guess not. Want to - yes..............
Sorry if all that sounds odd. Thanks if you read.
