before

[kcubrats]

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  i will feel relieved
  
  
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  it'll take away my angst and SU ideation
  
  
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  i dunno, i dont wanna kill myself therefore i wanna SI
  
  
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  it'll last till i go to sleep and wake up in the morning
  
  
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  i posted but no one replied. im not an attention seeker i just wanted to talk to someone
  
  
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  nothing in particular, just another day
  
  
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

i wanna disappear

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  i dont wanna kill myself
  
  
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  i dont remember feeling suicidal and self harming instead but i've been in both situations separately. i either self injured or took a nap
  
  
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  i already wrote on my journal, drew and checked my blog to get distracted
  
  
• How do I feel right now?
  suicidal
  
  
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  like i'm inside a dream
  
  
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  tomorrow morning i'll feel ok about not killing myself
  
  
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  maybe but it'd put me on evidence with my parents
  
  
• Do I need to hurt myself?

if i wanna stay alive, yes...if i wanna commit suicide tonight, no. i'll wait till bedtime to know

[balletomane]

Hi kcubrats. I think it is a very good thing that you don't want to kill yourself. Suicidal feels are still difficult to deal with though. Do you have an emergency plan, just in case the feeling gets to be too much? Remember if you feel unsafe you can always call for an ambulance.

What other feelings are behind the suicidal feelings? What events, etc. led to you feeling this way? Can you identify the thoughts behind these feelings?

What other things can you do to stay safe? Would distractions help? How about doing kind things for yourself like reading your favorite book in bed or taking a bubble bath? I know that being kind to yourself is the opposite of suicide/SI urges, but I think doing the opposite thing can help sometimes.

Anyhow, I hope you're okay. Be gentle with yourself and stay safe.

[kcubrats]

hello there and thanx for responding

of course the urge was gone but it's kinda back. i no longer have my SI tools and dont know what to do because i'm feeling kinda SU again and somehow like i'm dirty and disgusting but cant do anything opposite to SI because i cant let my parents know how i'm feeling it's complicated anyway thanks for reading and responding