bus

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  
  rite now i am slowly withdrawing...i have unplugged the phones and turned off my cell phone...or i can always runaway...hopefully if i hurt myself enough, my stupid mistakes wont hurt anyone else...
  
  
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  
  not sure...
  
  
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  
  not sure...seems i have no answers rite now...life makes no sense to me...
  
  
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  
  not sure...probably not last that long and then will hurt myself again...
  
  
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  
  i have been trying to keep busy and my mind distracted by listening to Pink all day, which is something that usually helps me...
  
  
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  
  not sure...
  
  
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  
  i really want to hide...i wish i could runaway...

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  
  i messed up my life...i totally suck at living and hurting myself is something that i actually do rite...
  
  
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  
  i ran away from all of these problems before...
  
  
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  
  i dont know what else to do...i guess i can try to watch some tv for a little while but even then the thoughts constantly are with me and they slowly seem to take over my thoughts and then i cant even watch tv, i just cant concentrate...
  
  
• How do I feel right now?
  
  very small and not in my body...like i am on the other side of the mirror just watching me going through the movements but not actually here...
  
  
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  
  not sure...
  
  
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  
  i will probably feel the same way if not worse...and want to hurt myself even worse...
  
  
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  
  nope, cant avoid it...it is staring me down...
  
  
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  
  yes, i do...

I am sorry you feel like you need to hurt yourself. It sounds like you are in a very difficult place right now. I know that a lot of things have been going on lately. I know it is really hard when it's all at once.

One thing in your answers stood out to me.

i totally suck at living and hurting myself is something that i actually do rite...

This isn't true. You do not suck at living. What are 3 things beside SI that you do right? It doesn't matter how simple or how profound.

Be gentle with yourself.

thanks Balletomane...i just got back on the computer a few minutes ago...rite now seems i cant even come up with 3 things that i do rite...sorry, i think i should be heading to bed as it is late here...sorry too i didnt do the after questions...just so many thoughts spiraling and i'm not sure what to even say or how to answer them...

thanks again, Balletomane, i really appreciate your support...

Don't worry about it Pinky. The questions are only a tool. If you don't feel like doing them, that's fine. I hope you are taking good care of yourself.

sorry, i late posting back to you...just seems everythings was going wrong all at the same time...i hate when that happens...i really wanted to answer the after questions but couldnt...until my daughter called last nite and reminded me about babysitting for the puppies, i thought i was going to be able to hide this whole weekend...funny thing is i dont remember agreeing to babysit this weekend, she said that she asked me the other nite and i still dont remember...i dont even remember talking to her...

thanks again, Balletomane...