bus

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i'll feel like i've done something about the way i feel.


what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it'll bring a sense of relief, but also pain and guilt. it'll take away the fact that i haven't si'd in 7 months.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i'm not sure. i want to feel better, i want to feel calmer. wanting to si is like having this extra weight on my shoulders, if i si then it will go away. if i do si then maybe i would achive this


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
probably not the best option, the relief will last till i stop SI'ing, then i will have other feelings. i'll probably feel worse and want to lock myself away

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i could try and dostract myself, by maybe tidying my room? It would give me something else to do and take my mind of SI. It would last as long as it takes for me to tidy up, or maybe a bit longer? Find something else to do


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll feel guilty, and like shit for giving in to my urges. I might feel better but i still think i will feel stressed tomorrow

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i honestly don't know what i want. i just don't want to be here, i don't want to think or feel this.


Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? Cos like it or not i'm a self-harmer. i always will be, its something i can't escape. i guess being stressed with uni and work, and my depression flaring up has brought me here


Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? Yes i've been here before, many a time. I think i gave in back then, i felt like crap. I think i was possibly drunk though so i'm guessing that fuelled my actions

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
come on BUS, posted a thread on another forum asking for advice. there's not a lot else i can do, aside from keep me away from my room


How do I feel right now?
upset, depressed, low, crap, pathetic, guilty, annoyed, angry

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
calm, but also upset and guilty


How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
very guilty, and more stressed. maybe i will feel a bit calmer, like i'm in control or something?

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
possibly. i just need to make sure it doesn't get this far in future

Do I need to hurt myself?
No, but i still want to

no idea if that's helped, it has a bit.

i guess being stressed with uni and work, and my depression flaring up has brought me here

I can really relate to this. One thing I am trying to do is find ways to make doing my work less stressful. Maybe that would help since course work is a stressor that won't just go away. Do you have teaching assistants or professors you can speak to if you need help with a subject?

i'm not sure. i want to feel better, i want to feel calmer. wanting to si is like having this extra weight on my shoulders, if i si then it will go away. if i do si then maybe i would achive this

It sounds like in the past, SIing offers very temporary relief, which is then replaced by more negative feelings. Is that right?

i'll feel like i've done something about the way i feel.

What other things can you do? Cleaning your room is a good start. What other things do you like to do?

Do I need to hurt myself?
No, but i still want to

I think it's a really big thing that you can recognize this.

I hope you are doing okay. Take care.

i'll feel like i've done something about the way i feel.
--it would be a "something".... often there's far more than one "something" to be done about a situation.

it'll take away the fact that i haven't si'd in 7 months.
--what sorts of things have you done in those 7 months to deal with emotions? particularly the emotions that were going on when you posted?

if i si then it will go away
--really?
reading your post it sounds like si'ing would make you feel worse about yourself & things.... so while the urge to hurt yourself might temporarily go away... would it really be worth it?

i could try and dostract myself, by maybe tidying my room? It would give me something else to do and take my mind of SI. It would last as long as it takes for me to tidy up, or maybe a bit longer? Find something else to do
--sounds like a plan did you get the room clean?

i don't want to think or feel this.
--what sorts of things have you been working on to deal with thoughts & feelings?

Cos like it or not i'm a self-harmer. i always will be, its something i can't escape.
--*raises eyebrow*

i guess being stressed with uni and work, and my depression flaring up has brought me here
--*nods* those are tough. very much so. what do you think might help with those specifically? uni... work... stress... depression? any thoughts on a couple things you might try for each?

there's not a lot else i can do
--I find that tough to believe
have you built a card house? blown bubbles? took a walk? cold shower? hot shower? practiced headstands against your wall?
even if you truly had done *everything*.... then do it all again
emotions *do* pass. even when it seems so much otherwise.