bus

Posted: **Wed Oct 04, 2006 2:27 am**

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I'm not sure. I haven't hurt myself in about 7 months. Probably because a relative I *don't like* was visiting last week and I had to pretend I liked them because it was this person's 80th birthday.
Covering up emotions probably is why I now need to release it somehow
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Ignored it. I don't really know any other way
Never done this before, so bear with me, I hope this is okay
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Pretended it's not there -played games, distracted myself. Sometimes it goes away.
How do I feel right now?
REALLY triggered
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I won't feel anything -that's part of the temptation. I guess I find it relieving
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Straight after I'll feel calm and be able to sleep (and, if I'm honest kinda proud of myself if I do lots, and disappointed if I don't do enough!)
However tomorrow I'll feel in physical pain, ashamed and frustrated with having to hide my marks... as well as guilty when I admit it to the people I'd need to tell (prayer group/gulliver etc)
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I don't know how
Do I need to hurt myself?
I don't know

Posted: **Wed Oct 04, 2006 3:43 am**

Hi Twinky

I think that it's great that you're using the B&A board to get through this. Don't worry about whether or not you've "done it right" - there's no right or wrong way to do it. It's a way to get you to think about what might be behind your urge and some constructive ways to deal with it...and if you can use the questions to do that, you are doing it the "right" way for you.

I've gone a significant amount of time without SI, but I occasionally still get very urgy from time to time...like you, I often just try to ignore it, but when I can't it sometimes helps me to start doing some sort of activity that really makes me think, like Soduko or a word or logic game...it gets me into a headspace where I'm thinking in terms of logic instead of emotion, and I find it easier to fight the urge.

Take gentle care...I'm thinking of you.

Posted: **Wed Oct 04, 2006 11:48 am**

Hey sweetie!

Thankyou!
I was good last night and didn't do anything. I occupied myself on bus for a while, then had a long bath, watched Futurama and went to bed

Thanks for the support

bus

Before (never done this before- comments welcome)

Before (never done this before- comments welcome)