Before

[syn]

* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will have relief from the anxiety I'm feeling, and feelings of depression and dread.

* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Temporary relief that might be enough to get me through the day, it would give me a sense of control, though guilt would follow afterwards.

* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
In the long run I want to continue life without cutting, hurting myself would get me farther away.

* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
On a day like today the relief would last at least a few hours, enough to get me to my therapy appointment.

* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Chat, other distractions haven't been helping.

* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Guilty. If I did the other thing, I'd probably also feel guilty for needing other people.

* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Keep from cutting, keep trying things to stay safe.

* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I have no job, it's that time of year for me to get depressed, somone I like is mad at me for something I didn't know I did wrong. I feel like nobody likes me enough to be close to me other than my husband.

* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, I cut, I felt the same.

* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Tried to get some work done on the job front, write some e-mails to difuse the situation with the person.

* How do I feel right now?
Down, reall down, and out of control of my life, like I lack the energy to make things happen.

* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
A surge of energy, sense of relief and control.

* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
In power, tomorrow morning guilty

* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Unfortunately I can't avoid it, I don't know how to deal with it better in the future.

* Do I need to hurt myself?
No, it's never necessary.

[Smeagol]

Hi syrinx

Sorry you're struggling right now.

* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will have relief from the anxiety I'm feeling, and feelings of depression and dread.

It sounds like you've tried distractions, and you've tried some positive things to deal with the causes of the depression/anxiety. That's really good. Have you tried any self-soothing things? Like for anxiety I find moving helps me break out of the funk, and I find making tea a very soothing ritual which also helps. And for depression could you make positives lists?

* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Temporary relief that might be enough to get me through the day, it would give me a sense of control, though guilt would follow afterwards.

If control is an issue for you, would it help you to do things which assert control over your life and environment? I like cleaning, for example, because I can achieve something. I may not be able to fix problems 1-20 but by golly I can make that shower clean. Or alternatively, could you make a list of things you do have control over, like what you wear, what you eat? Or would it help to produce statements asserting control over the situations you feel out of control with. Like "if this person I like remains cross with me, I will inform him that it's unacceptable because it's an accident"?


Take care of yourself.