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how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will get temporary relief from the anger and pain I am experiencing.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring relief from pain, but it will also bring pain the next day when I have to face what I've done.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel like I can get through this without self harm, and turn my 6 months clean time into eternity.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It will be short, maybe several hours, then I will probably have the urge to cut again since I will have already have broken my pact with myself.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
take a bath, read, do girly hygeine things, spend time with my husband, pack for our trip tomorrow.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will be upset with myself if I SI, I will most likely still be very angry and upset if I don't.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to do something to get all this stuff about work that it making me upset off my mind. I don't know what that is, perhaps try and get really into the new book I am reading.

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Because it is the only thing that reliefs this type of feeling that I have right now completely, even if it only is for a short while. What has brought me to this point is a really toxic work environment, I am quitting but they seem determined to make my last two weeks miserable for me.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have never been exactly here before, no one else has ever put my career on the line or tried to force me to do things that break my code of ethics. I have never felt this combination of anger and pain before. Always when I have had urges it has been my mental illness that has pushed me over the edge. This time it is life doing it, and I'm not exactly sure how to cope with it, this is new to me.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Spent some time with friends today, called my mom and a friend for support, talked to my husband.

How do I feel right now?
Scared, angry, upset, stressed

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Relief, release

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Guilt, shame

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Unfortunately this isn't a stressor I can avoid for the time being, and I don't know how to deal with it better, I am open to suggestions.

Do I need to hurt myself?
No.

it's really hard to do this, but could you sort of "draw a line" for yourself - like say "okay, these are work problems, and these are home problems, and i won't take one to the other place." i know that it is pretty much compartmentalizing and a lot of people frown upon that, but could that help?

you said you had several distractions lined up for you -- did you do any of the distractions that you said (especially the new book! ooo new book!)

if anything, take comfort in the fact you're quitting the job that has now become so toxic. at the end of each day, tell yourself that you're one more day closer to being out of that environment.

hope everything goes well for you.

take care.

You said that you're angry and upset? Can you sort out what exactly you are angry at? I understand that your work situation is very stressful, but can you pinpoint something specific that angers you? Like "I am angry at xxx because of xxx". If you can do that, can you then look at what you can do about it? Can you talk to the person you're angry at? Can you change something about the situation? Can you ignore it/remove yourself from it? If you can't do anything about what the anger is about, can you find another way to express it? When I'm angry, I put on really loud (angry) music and then I rip some old sheets apart (I keep a bag of them for that purpose). Maybe write a really angry letter that you don't send? Can you think of anything else that would allow you to get the anger out without hurting yourself?

Mercy Snow wrote:it's really hard to do this, but could you sort of "draw a line" for yourself - like say "okay, these are work problems, and these are home problems, and i won't take one to the other place." i know that it is pretty much compartmentalizing and a lot of people frown upon that, but could that help?

That's what I've been trying to do and it hasn't been working, I'm even on vacation right now and work is on my mind. Distractions get it off my mind a bit, but not that much.

mian wrote:You said that you're angry and upset? Can you sort out what exactly you are angry at? I understand that your work situation is very stressful, but can you pinpoint something specific that angers you?

There are very specific things that I'm angry and etc at and about, but I'm not allowed to talk much about the situation. Which is probably why I'm having so much difficulty relieving myself from it.

Can you write about it in a journal? Or maybe write a letter to who/what you're angry at that you don't send?

I talk about it with my husband, and that helps a lot.

BTW, I haven't cut, though tomorrow is going to be a risky day.