bus

slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.



have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
n/a

what had happened just before?
went on Chat. no one would help. (i know, it's my responsibility.)

what were you thinking and feeling?
rejected, alone, in intense physical & emotional pain.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
being rejected by Chat folks.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
shouldn't have called Chat. they usually aren't terribly helpful when i'm in Crisis.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
sleep-deprived. drugs are the problem. addressing w/ Karl (t).

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
journaled, listened to (somewhat triggery) music, cuddled w/ Gizmo (dog), cuddled w/ pillow & tried to sleep, Forums, called Crisis but none of my preferred guys were there, went on Chat.
journaling, Gizmo, & Forums helped somewhat. music & trying to sleep & Chat made things worse.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
call Karl (t), call Crisis and talk w/ someone else, do more journaling than i did.

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
1)they're on the List i use of things to go thru.
2)highlight most helpful items on List.

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
not resolved. need to think, talk w/ Karl (t), talk w/ Don (#1 Crisis guy, who's an expert on alcohol & drug abuse), use Forums for suggestions & support, think some more.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
yes. feeling the pain, wanting to si or use narcotics to self-medicate.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
1)Forums, incl. Before
2)call Crisis, talk w/ Don or Brett.
3)journal

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.



What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
cutting will get me immediately thrown out of my residence. taking the occasional extra morphine seems to have no bad consequences.

Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
i've been saving up extra morphine for years for times when i run out. it was there for the taking.

What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
si in a hidden place?

If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
don't know

What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
being alone & feeling like it's a choice between si and su.

If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
don't know

You mentioned you went to a Chat? What Chat was that? How were people not helpful? What did you say and how do you think you can ask for help in a more effective way next time? What would help for people to say when you are in a crisis?
>>>#bus Chat (for si-ers). people talked about their favorite musical groups, joked, etc. i asked for help & asked if anyone could pm me. no response. next time i probably won't try Chat. helpful responses would be supportive--not necessarily agreeing with me, but there's such a thing as supportive criticism. even a hug is welcome--it makes it seem like someone cares. i guess that's the gist of it--caring responses.

You also mentioned that you listened to somewhat triggery music? Do you have any music that's non-triggery, that is likely to cheer you up? For example, I have a lot of Disney music (I'm a big kid ). When I feel bad, I put that on and sing along to it.
>>>as it worked out, all the music my siblings saved for me when they moved me into the nursing home belonged to my mother, with whom i was very close. i was her caregiver while she was sick and dying of cancer. some of my favorite music i played while she was dying.

It sounds like it's important for you to talk to someone when you're feeling bad? (It is for me too) Can you work out a plan for who you can talk to when Karl or Don or Brett isn't available? Like a hotline maybe or a trusted friend or maybe post in the nest asking for support? It's also possible to ask on the main board if anyone is around to talk?
>>>it is. at this point in my life i have no close friends. all the hotlines here funnel you into the same Crisis line--where Don & Brett are. i have tried talking with others there with mostly bad results. that's why i ask for Don or Brett. posing in the nest or on the main board are good ideas i haven't tried. thanks.

I think you did well for trying to cope without taking drugs. I hope you'll try again next time you feel urges.