Spidey before

tools to help you assess your urges before you give in to them, and to help you understand and learn from slips after they happen. by posting here, you're saying that you are serious about exploring the feelings behind your self-harm in depth, whether you're ready to stop hurting yourself or not. to request posting access, click usergroups above and join before and after.

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Spidey
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Spidey before

Post by Spidey » Wed Oct 10, 2018 10:52 pm

How will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

I feel trapped and imprisoned in my own life and I can't seem to change anything about it

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

Bring: I'll have lost six years and probably a lot of guilt and yet a lot of relief

Take away: ...uh...I don't know, except almost six years

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

Probably for the rest of the night. Sleep.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I can look at Datsuns, I can text people, I can play Pokémon go, finish putting stuff away

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

I don't know. Probably crappy. Tomorrow? I don't know

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

RUN

idk

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

I feel unsuccessful, unfulfilled, lonely, and completely unheard and not understood.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

yeah. Drank.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

I texted a friend, I was productive, I am going to go eat soon

How do I feel right now?

DESPERATE

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

numb

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

/shrug

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Do I need to hurt myself?

/shrug
there is, in the end, the letting go.
-marya hornbacher

spidey immer voran
(spidey ever onward)

:cowave:

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noldo
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Re: Spidey before

Post by noldo » Thu Oct 11, 2018 12:37 am

Spidey, just a short note to say that I read this and will try to do a reply when I am more awake. I am extremely proud of you!
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treasure
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Re: Spidey before

Post by treasure » Thu Oct 11, 2018 8:28 am

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

RUN

idk
i really relate to this answer. sometimes i don't listen to the protective parts of me, or it feels like the only way to protect myself is to numb or run away. it's hard for me to accept but i think that emotions are usually bearable, or there are ways to make them more bearable. it sounds like you are dealing with some really awful, heart-wrenching emotions. if you feel them, you might be better able to understand yourself, or it might propel the actions that will help life get better, plus the feelings will likely pass quicker. if you si, you will likely not change anything, and not understand anything, but it will give you a way to get through them.
treasure
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