before

[herebedragons]

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  
  It won't.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  
  Anxiety about being caught and upsetting people, it will take away some feelings of anxiety, it will take away several years of being almost entirely s.i. free
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  
  I am not thinking much long term, still kind of getting through right now. I think I will already regret how I have reacted to this situation so I guess it would add to that regret? Unless it improves my mood and ability to cope, then it might be a wash.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  
  It has been long enough since I have cut that I am not really sure how to answer this.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  
  I could take another walk, getting outside helps some, I could scream into a pillow, I could talk to my husband, I could write a journal entry and probably burn it. I could do some sewing, I could do something with the kids, bake or something. I could take pictures of the stuff I want to get rid of to post on the "buy nothing" board I recently joined.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  
  tomorrow I would probably feel very stupid about it especially since I have church. I might even end up skipping which isn't going to help my mood any.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  
  I am dealing with anxiety and other bad feelings and I don't know how to shake them off. I am feeling bad about feeling bad. I am feeling bad about having su thoughts when I should be over them and when the triggering event is not enough to bring these thoughts on.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  
  Generally I distract myself for long enough to get past the worst of the feelings. I did do therapy for a bit but I am stopped going in December. Felt like I had gotten as much out of it as I could.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  
  Listened to music, taken a walk with my daughter, spent time with my family, petted our cats, distracted myself with youtube, embroidered
• How do I feel right now?
  
  anxious, a little depressed, disappointed in myself, frustrated with intrusive thoughts, frustrated with the way that life just constantly throws crap at us without ever letting up for long enough for us to really do much more than catch our breath.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  
  relieved, maybe nervous about being caught
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  
  less anxious, possibly disappointed in myself?
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  
  I think I can avoid it to some degree by making sure that I am EXTREMELY clear with my daughter's school because they seem a bit thick.
• Do I need to hurt myself?

definitely not.



Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.

[amerylis]

Hi

Sounds like your having a rough day, but you have some good answers there. did they help you?

[herebedragons]

They did, I got through without injuring and I am doing a lot better now.

[amerylis]

really glad to hear that! go you!

[swirlish]

They did, I got through without injuring and I am doing a lot better now.

Awesome, well done!

It seems like you're already well aware of this, but it might help someone else; when you're in a really bad situation, with depression/anxiety/urges to hurt yourself, it's easy to convince yourself that you'll always be stuck with those feelings. It can be really helpful if you note down somewhere when you're able to fight an urge or do something to make yourself feel better, like dragons did. Or note down that the feelings changed, you weren't stuck. That way you can look back on that next time you're in a bad place and remind yourself that you've been there before and you got out of it.

[SomeOneElse]

well done dragon.

well said swirlish. I think i'll borrow this for my place as a reminder. I feel stuck a lot of times in different ways.

[herebedragons]

They did, I got through without injuring and I am doing a lot better now.

Awesome, well done!

It seems like you're already well aware of this, but it might help someone else; when you're in a really bad situation, with depression/anxiety/urges to hurt yourself, it's easy to convince yourself that you'll always be stuck with those feelings. It can be really helpful if you note down somewhere when you're able to fight an urge or do something to make yourself feel better, like dragons did. Or note down that the feelings changed, you weren't stuck. That way you can look back on that next time you're in a bad place and remind yourself that you've been there before and you got out of it.

That is a great idea! When I am in a bad way I will often read back through my Place thread to help me remember that I have been there before and that it gets better. It can be really hard to remember that in the throes of whatever badness is going on.