Before ... trying this

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

Before You Self-Harm

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  Relief from the stress I'm feeling
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  It will bring a sense of release. It will take away the initial feelings of pent up emotion I feel.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I want to feel better. Farther away, but closer at the same time. Its confusing.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  That all depends on how badly I hurt myself
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I could go for a drive. It might not. I dunno, and I don't want to end up doing something stupid in the car.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  I'll feel ... I dunno. I might feel better if I go for a drive instead.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  tbh, I want to c*t

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.[/size]

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  I need to do something other than SU attempt. I'm under a crap load of stress
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  I know I have, but I can't remember when
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  written a rambling post on main. Uhm ...
• How do I feel right now?
  Angry, bitter, hurt, sad, insane, stressed out, about to blow, out of control
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  in control, calm
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  relieved probably feel guilty tomorrow, esp since tomorrow is Sunday
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I don't think its possible to avoid it completely. But I can very likely deal better in the future.
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  ATM, that feels like a big yes.[/size]

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  i'll feel 'relieved'
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  to -- relief of stress
  from -- feelings of stress
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  i want to not do it. a lot further away
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  depends on how badly I do it. I just want the crash that comes after the adreline rush
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  take a PRN and go to bed; I'll be sleeping and maybe I'll feel better come the morning
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  probably pretty crappy and under-rested; if I go to bed, I'll likely sleep pretty good and feel refreshed in the AM
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  I really want to snuggle in a giant lap with a blanket and a pacifier/dummy whilst having someone stroke my hair and talk/sing to me; much the way one would soothe an infant or toddler.

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  because i can't figure out any other way to get the emotion out. feeling all alone, the time of year
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  yes. i c*t. better, for a little while
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  took a long, warm bath and put on cozy jammies. take a prn and head for bed
• How do I feel right now?
  depressed, stressed, anxious, out of control, powerless
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  in control, powerful, 'better'
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  relief, satisfaction. Stupid, self-hating
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I don;t think I can avoid this stressor entirely; but i'm pretty sure I can deal better in the future
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  I know I don't need to hurt myself. but I feel like I need to

[/size]

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  it probably won't
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  to -- relief of current stress and feelings of being out of control
  from -- feelings of stress over "being stupid," feeling out of control
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  "better" ... farther away
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  depends on how badly I do it. the more/deeper the wound(s) the longer the adrenaline rush and the 'better' I feel
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  play some internet games, write in my journal
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  i'll probably still feel stressed either way
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  I really want to snuggle in a giant lap with a blanket and a pacifier/dummy whilst having someone stroke my hair and talk/sing to me; much the way one would soothe an infant or toddler. wrap up in a big blanket

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  because i can't figure out any other way to get the emotion out. feeling all alone, the time of year, memories of lost friends and family
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  yes. I c*t, another time I took a PRN and went to bed. better, for a little while
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  took a nap. watched a funny video
• How do I feel right now?
  depressed, stressed, anxious, sad, out of control, powerless
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  in control, powerful, 'better'
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  relief, satisfaction. Stupid, self-hating
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I don't think I can avoid this stressor entirely; but i'm pretty sure I can deal better in the future
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  I know I don't need to hurt myself. Like, I don't need to c*t in order to live, but I feel like I need to

[/size]

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  I'll feel powerful, and the tension will be relaesed
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  to -- relief of current stress and feelings of being out of control
  from -- feelings of stupidity, feeling out of control
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I want to feel "better," but I don't know what "better" feels like ... farther away
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  depends on how badly I do it. the more/deeper the wound(s) the longer the adrenaline rush and the 'better' I feel
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  play some internet games, write in my journal, scream into a pillow, call someone/hotline
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  I'll probably still feel just as stressed either way
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  I really want to snuggle in a giant lap with a blanket and a pacifier/dummy whilst having someone stroke my hair and talk/sing to me; much the way one would soothe an infant or toddler. wrap up in a big blanket with a stuffie

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  because i can't figure out any other way to get the emotion out. if I go deep enough, I can cry; feeling all alone, the time of year, memories of lost friends and family
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  yes. I c*t, another time I took a PRN and went to bed. better, for a little while
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  took a nap. chatted with a friend, journalled
• How do I feel right now?
  depressed, stressed, anxious, sad, out of control, powerless, worried
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  in control, powerful, 'better', clear headed
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  relief, satisfaction, energized. Stupid, self-hating, anxious, worried
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I don't think I can avoid this stressor entirely; but i'm pretty sure I can deal better in the future
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  I know I don't need to hurt myself. Like, I don't need to c*t in order to live, but I feel like I need to

[/size]

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  The situation will not change. My brother will still be himself. The feeling of powerlessness will subside for a while though.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  Harming will give me a sense of power and being in control of my actions.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I want to feel "better," but I don't know what "better" feels like ... farther away
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  depends on how badly I do it. the more/deeper the wound(s) the longer the adrenaline rush and the 'better' I feel because of said adrenaline rush.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  color pictures, write in my journal ... it won't, but neither will cutting
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will I feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  I will feel dumb ... I'll probably still feel as {CENSORED} as I do now.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can I best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  I really want to snuggle in a giant lap with a blanket and a pacifier/dummy whilst having someone stroke my hair and talk/sing to me; much the way one would soothe an infant or toddler. ... I honestly don't know right now

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  I feel like its the only way to release the stress that has built up inside ... My brother sending me a nasty, angry text message
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  I've been here before, but I don't recall when or what I did about it
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  been watching YouTube videos of comedians, did some online coloring, talked to an online friend, went in a chat room, petted my kitty cat
• How do I feel right now?
  depressed, stressed, anxious, sad, out of control, powerless, angry, unloved, unfairly accused
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  in control, powerful, 'better', clear headed
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  depends on how badly I do it. the more/deeper the wound(s) the longer the adrenaline rush and the 'better' I feel because of said adrenaline rush ... probably pretty stupid
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I can't avoid this stressor w/o taking family out of the equation
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  I know I don't need to hurt myself. Like, I don't need to c*t in order to live, but I feel like I need to

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[treasure]

do you mind replies, svs?
well done on giving yourself something here that at least delayed si. did it help in other ways?

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I've been here before, but I don't recall when or what I did about it

my memory is awful and i don't remember what i did to get through many many si urges, except the ones of the past day or so. i often post in my bus place or my journal which i can re-read if i want to get a reminder of things i did to help.
you might want to write/print a list of coping techniques that you hope to use, just a single page so that you can look at it easily. if there's something you found helped improve your mood then add it to the list, and when things help put a tick or a tally or a smiley face next to it so you know which ones have helped. keep it somewhere it won't get lost under other things, so you can remember that you have a few options of things to try and that they have helped in the past.

I really want to snuggle in a giant lap with a blanket and a pacifier/dummy whilst having someone stroke my hair and talk/sing to me; much the way one would soothe an infant or toddler

it might help to post in the nest with that sort of feeling? or it might help to listen to lullabies or simple soothing music. i find the urge/need to be hugged/loved/touched in this way to be deeply upsetting because there is no one to do that, i am not a child any more and i'm alone, *but* it is possible, and healthy, to use your own actions to soothe and comfort, and for me at least, it's sometimes the catalyst that changes si/destructive/self-hate thoughts into "things hurt but i will be ok".

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

Replies are fine. Thanks for asking.

I did end up SI'ing, and I tried to do the "after" questions, but my mind was just too jumbled. This is a really hard time of year for me, and my brother playing the Hugh Jashole role didn't help things. Seems like the past week or so, my mind has really been wiggin out on me. Strange dreams and thoughts, mild hallucinations and voices, thoughts flying by like supersonic bullets, etc. The only way I've found to focus even in the slightest has been to color and watch a bunch of hulu. I don't see the T again until the 8th. And, before anybody brings it up; No, I'm not going to call him about this. I'm not that familiar with him to disturb his holidays. I'll just see him in 10 days.

keep it somewhere it won't get lost under other things

Easier said than done. My house is a huge jumble of piles of crap. I can't find half of the things I own. And posting something like that on my fridge or mirror really isn't much of an option, since my mum is horribly nosey and pestering.

I'm also having some physical health issues that don't help this situation in the least. *sigh* March can't get here soon enough! (my semi-annual funks appear every Nov/Dec thru Jan/Feb and every June/July through Aug/Sept ... doesn't that sound fun? )

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  The situation will not change. My wrist brace will still be MIA. The feeling of powerlessness will subside for a while though.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  Harming will give me a sense of power and being in control of my environment. It will also make me feel powerless
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I want to feel "better," but I don't know what "better" feels like ... farther away
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  depends on how badly I do it. the more/deeper the wound(s) the longer the adrenaline rush and the 'better' I feel because of said adrenaline rush.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  color pictures, write in my journal ... it won't, but neither will cutting ... not very long, either way
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will I feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  I will feel dumb ... I'll probably still feel as {CENSORED} as I do now.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can I best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  I really want to disappear. Just vanish ... I honestly don't know right now

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  I feel like its the only way to release the stress that has built up inside ... Losing my wrist brace (AGAIN) and just being frustrated overall with my life
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  I've been here before, I've spent the majority of my life in this place. and usually I have SI'ed in some way. the SI soothed me, at least for a time
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  been watching hulu, talked to an online acquaintance, petted my kitty cat
• How do I feel right now?
  depressed, stressed, anxious, sad, out of control, powerless, angry, confused
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  in control, powerful, 'better', clear headed
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  depends on how badly I do it. the more/deeper the wound(s) the longer the adrenaline rush and the 'better' I feel because of said adrenaline rush ... probably pretty stupid
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I can't avoid this stressor w/o taking myself out of the equation
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  I know I don't need to hurt myself. Like, I don't need to c*t in order to live, but I feel like I need to

[/size]

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  The situation will not likely change. The feeling of powerlessness will subside for a while though.
• a)what will hurting myself bring to the situation?
  b)what will it take away from the situation?
  a)Harming will give me a sense of power and being in control of my environment.
  b)It will also make me feel powerless
• a)how do i want to feel about this in the long run?
  b)is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  a) I want to feel "better," but I don't know what "better" feels like ...
  b) farther away
• a) if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last?
  b) what will i do then?
  a) depends on how badly I do it. the more/deeper the wound(s) the longer the adrenaline rush and the 'better' I feel because of said adrenaline rush.
  b) probably c*t again
• a) what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself?
  b) how will it change the situation i'm in?
  c)how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  a) color pictures, work on my desk, write in my journal, watch some more hulu ...
  b) it won't, but neither will c*tting ...
  c) not very long, either way, I'll be right back here where I started from
• a) how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself?
  b) how will I feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  a) I will feel dumb ...
  b) I'll probably still feel as {CENSORED} as I do now.
• a) what do i really want to do right now?
  b) how can I best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  a) I really want to c*t hard and then disappear. Just vanish ...
  b) I honestly don't know right now

• a) Why do I feel I need to hurt myself?
  b)What has brought me to this point?
  a) I feel like its the only way to release the stress that has built up inside ...
  b) interviewing a housecleaner in the afternoon and being totally embarrassed at how untidy my house is; and just being frustrated overall with my life
• a) Have I been here before?
  b) What did I do to deal with it?
  c) How did I feel then?
  a) I've been here before, I've spent the majority of my life in this place. I've never been in the housekeeper situation though, and uncharted territory is nerve-wracking.
  b) usually I have SI'ed in some way.
  c) the SI soothed me, at least for a time
• a) What I have done to ease this discomfort so far?
  b) What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  a) been watching hulu, talked to an online acquaintance, petted my kitty cat, filled out these questions
  b) keep doing what I'm doing
• How do I feel right now?
  depressed, stressed, anxious, sad, out of control, powerless, angry, confused
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  in control, powerful, 'better', clear headed
• a) How will I feel after hurting myself?
  b)How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  a) depends on how badly I do it. the more/deeper the wound(s) the longer the adrenaline rush and the 'better' I feel because of said adrenaline rush ...
  b) pretty stupid
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I can't avoid this stressor w/o taking myself out of the equation
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  I know I don't need to hurt myself. Like, I don't need to c*t in order to live, but I feel like I need to

[/size]

[treasure]

How will I feel tomorrow morning?
pretty stupid

why would you feel stupid? does the reason feel less important the next day, or something else?

i hope you managed to avoid si. it sounds like you might be being hard on yourself, that being untidy or not happy with your life is somehow a major failing when it isn't. can you, or do you, have ways of being nice to yourself, ways of comforting some of the powerless feelings?
sometimes i get into bed when i feel like that, a way to be safe and warm and comfortable and escape from the stress of responsibility that i can't handle, or the stress of not knowing what to do. it's not healthy to sleep all the time, but having a nap is not a bad thing, so it's fine most of the time.

how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
not very long, either way, I'll be right back here where I started from

that's not entirely true. every time you choose other options besides si you get better at finding and doing other things to help yourself. you remind yourself that you are worthwhile, that si is not helpful, and other things like that, and they sink in and change you. every little fight against si is a worthwhile fight, a step in the right direction, and it will get easier to keep going.

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

How will I feel tomorrow morning?
pretty stupid

why would you feel stupid? does the reason feel less important the next day, or something else?

I feel stupid because ... because ... I dunno. Because I'm horrible to myself. The reason feels the same day after day, I just am seriously hard on myself. Nasty habit picked up from all the 'bashing' I got growing up. From all sides.

it sounds like you might be being hard on yourself, that being untidy or not happy with your life is somehow a major failing when it isn't. can you, or do you, have ways of being nice to yourself, ways of comforting some of the powerless feelings?

And again with the learned behaviors. Being so untidy as to have people not come to visit because they cannot move around or rest comfortably in your house is a pretty major failing on the "prove I'm a mature adult" front. Has been drilled into me that I should be able to maintain a relatively tidy home. One where, if a stranger were to walk in, they would be able to find basic things (dinnerware, writing tools, paper towels, etc.) without too much effort (as in, silverware in a kitchen drawer, pens/pencils on the desk, paper towels on a roll holder, etc.). As it stands now, I have to tear the house apart to find much of anything because there's so much clutter. My Ativan has been missing for weeks.

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  The situation will not likely change. The feeling of powerlessness will subside for a while though.
• a)what will hurting myself bring to the situation?
  
• b)what will it take away from the situation?
  a)Harming will give me a sense of power and being in control of my environment.
  b)It will also make me feel powerless
• a)how do i want to feel about this in the long run?
  
• b)is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  a) I want to feel "better," but I don't know what "better" feels like ...
  b) This will put me farther away
• a) if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last?
  
• b) what will i do then?
  a) depends on how badly I do it. the more/deeper the wound(s) the longer the adrenaline rush and the 'better' I feel because of said adrenaline rush.
  b) I will probably c*t again once the adrenaline wears off
• a) what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself?
  
• b) how will it change the situation i'm in?
  
• c)how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  a) color pictures, write in my journal, take my meds and go to bed ...
  b) it won't, but neither will c*tting ...
  c) not very long, either way, I'll probably be right back here where I started from
• a) how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself?
  
• b) how will I feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  a) I will feel dumb for giving in to the urge ...
  b) I don't know. It feels like I'll probably still feel as {CENSORED} as I do now.
• a) what do i really want to do right now?
  
• b) how can I best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  a) I really want to c*t hard ...
  b) I honestly don't know right now

• a) Why do I feel I need to hurt myself?
  
• b)What has brought me to this point?
  a) I feel like its the only way to release the stress that has built up inside ...
  b) having been IP last week, feeling smothered by clutter, not knowing if I'm going to have to go into the hospital for IV antibiotics, and of all things ... just allergies. Sort of feels like allergies are going to be the straw that broke the camel's back
• a) Have I been here before?
  
• b) What did I do to deal with it?
  
• c) How did I feel then?
  a) I've been here before, I've spent the majority of my life in this place. I've never been in the antibiotics situation though, and uncharted territory is nerve-wracking.
  b) usually I have SI'ed in some way.
  c) the SI soothed me, at least for a time
• a) What I have done to ease this discomfort so far?
  
• b) What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  a) filled out these questions, contemplated taking my sleeping pills and hitting the sack, talked to a few friends online
  b) keep doing what I'm doing, go to Psych Emergency and talk to someone, call a crisis line, call/text a friend
• How do I feel right now?
  depressed, stressed, sickly, anxious, sad, out of control, powerless, angry, confused
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  in control, powerful, 'better', clear headed
• a) How will I feel after hurting myself?
  
• b)How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  a) depends on how badly I do it. the more/deeper the wound(s) the longer the adrenaline rush and the 'better' I feel because of said adrenaline rush ...
  b) pretty stupid because I gave in to a stupid urge to self-harm
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I feel I can't avoid this stressor w/o taking myself out of the equation
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  I know, logically, I don't need to hurt myself. I feel like I need to c*t to take the pressure off. Like letting air out of a balloon before it pops. I'm afraid of what might happen if my metaphorical balloon were to pop.

[/size]

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

Before You Self-Harm

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  My situation will stay the same, but I will feel relief from the feeling of being an over-inflated balloon
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I want to feel like I made the right choice. Farther away
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  Relief depends on how much/deep I hurt myself
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  Call a crisis line, call a friend, color, go to bed. It could distract me long enough to get thru this urge.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  I will probably still want to injure, either way
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  tbh, I REALLY want to cut.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.[/size]

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  I feel like an over-inflated balloon and harming will let off some of the pressure. I just got out of IP, and I feel like crap
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  Yes. I cut. I felt like a failure
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  wrote about it in my place. go to bed
• How do I feel right now?
  stressed to what feels like the max, a little nauseated, weak, not in control
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  powerful, in control
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  depends on the severity of the wound(s) I'll probably still feel like crap
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  no, I cannot avoid this stressor. I can likely better deal with it in the future.
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  logically, no. emotionally, yes.[/size]

[treasure]

I'll probably still feel like crap

emotions suck. i can imagine coming out of ip feels like a scary thing, and that relying on your own skills after ip would feel really out of control. maybe giving yourself permission to feel what you feel might help it ease slightly? i can understand trying to gain control over feelings, but if you let them happen, sometimes the control will come back by itself. the feelings pushing you to si, that's putting them in control, not your rational mind. rationally you can see that you will feel worse if you si?

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

trying to use my rational mind to see that SI is not my best option. Have managed to go cut free for two days. Hoping to continue that streak.

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

Before You Self-Harm

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  If I hurt myself the immediate stress/pressure will be temporarily reduced
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  Hurting myself will bring a feeling of calm to me, at least temporarily. It will take away my streak of no SI
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I want to feel like I made the best choice. Hurting myself will put me farther away
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  Depends on how I hurt myself and how badly I hurt myself. After it wears off, I will be right back in this pit.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I could call a crisis line or color in. It won't change the situation, but maybe it will distract me long enough to not feel like hurting myself anymore. I don't know how long it would last or what I'd do then
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  part relieved, part stupid. I feel like this feeling is never going to go away.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  I want to harm myself. I don't know

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.[/size]

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  stress
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  Many times and I usually SI'd. I felt good while doing it, then remorseful afterward
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  Posted in my place, did these questions ... Color in
• How do I feel right now?
  pretty craptacular
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  in control, powerful
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  relieved ... remorseful
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I cannot avoid this stressor entirely
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  tbh, that feels like a big YES[/size]

[treasure]

If I hurt myself the immediate stress/pressure will be temporarily reduced

how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to harm myself. I don't know

what about self-soothing sorts of things? i would think that colouring in is a soothing and relaxing activity as well as a distraction. soothing things are often sensory - giving yourself quiet or soft music, a warm bath or shower, a flickering candle or low light, buying some flowers or just sitting in a garden.

i've been doing a meditation recently that asks you to concentrate on a neutral part of your body and then concentrate on difficult feelings or sensations. i think soothing yourself and dealing with stress can be similar - if you take time away, time where you feel calm, then you can bring some of that calmness with you when you go back to the stressful situation. (it doesn't need to be meditation)

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

I learned about self-soothing at the IMD I was at. Using the five senses to self soothe. Now that I've been unable to SI for three months, I don't feel the urge as strong anymore and I feel better ready to tackle it when it does come.

[herebedragons]

That's great! It really is easier the longer you go without self injuring.