Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.
- have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes. It was actually a few days ago, but I couldn't answer these questions then. I'm thinking that this might be helpful to think about now even thought it was a while ago. - what had happened just before?
I gave in and cut. On Saturday. . . After 2 or 3 months of not giving in to it. - what were you thinking and feeling?
I felt too much. And it was just so (metaphorically) loud! I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know what I was feeling except that it was too much. It hurt. I don't know what it was - I have trouble with trying to identify my emotions. - why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
There were lots of things I guess and nothing. Mostly it was just emotions building up over a while. I'd spent the previous 3 days pretty much just lying in bed doing nothing all day or trying to distract myself from feelings by reading a book. Some things which may have contributed to it - everything I need to do with going to the doctor and get a medical certificate and centrelink because I'm changing to part-time study this semester because I couldn't do it (I get a student payment from centrelink (Aust. Govt.) but it's confusing and difficult because I'm not doing full-time study. And I was frustrated with myself about how my counselling session had gone be day before, because I find it hard to talk and it sucks really really wanting to try so that I can get somewhere and then not talking so I don't get anywhere. . . And I was feeling stuff about friendships and how I interact with people and was feeling alone. - how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I don't know. Self/harm is always a choice. I could have not given into it I guess. But I don't know if there's anything I could have done at any stage which would have stopped me getting to that point where I felt like my emotions were too much and too loud and everything was screaming at me. I could have tried to just let myself feel that I guess - but I'd been trying to do that for days and it just got too much. - were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
No - what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I tried distracting myself reading. I tried distracting myself by text messaging a bunch of people just talking about general stuff. That didn't really help - or it helped for a few minutes, but then I was back feeling too much and it was too much and distracting myself wouldn't stop me feeling. I tried to text message one friend who I can talk to about feelings and how I'm struggling with stuff, but she was busy. I tried to let myself feel stuff without doing anything to stop it, but I couldn't stand it because it was too much. *rel* I tried praying and asking God for help but . . . I don't mnow, I gave in anyway, so I don't feel like that helped. - in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I don't know. I want to work out coping methods which aren't just distractions. Distractions are helpful sometimes, but I feel like I have nothing else and distractions don't actually do anything to help change anything. - name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I don't know. - how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
Nothing's resolved because there wasn't any "situation" - it was just feelings which I don't know what they are or what caused by them. - are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes. I'm there a lot of the time. - what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I don't know.
doing a language course) in another city was actually good - I enjoyed myself. Sometimes stuff was hard, but most of the time it was good, I enjoyed myself and I didn't even think of self-harm (which is rare) most of the time. I also went fairly well at working on changing my thoughts and stuff during that week. After I cam back stuff was hard - I had about 4 or 5 days where I did not much other than lie in bed all day and I found it really hard to cope with my emotions. This week . . . Monday and Tuesday being in another city for college was ok - I still felt bad, stuff was hard, and I couldn't really concentrate on study so didn't get anything done, but it was better than the previous week - it was good to be around people and to not be alone all the time. I like college. I like the environment and atmosphere. I like being around people there. And . . . . like - people want to talk to me - I appreciated that this week just to have people to talk to about normal things. The last two days since I came back home again have been worse but not as bad as the previous week - I've spent some time not able to do much and lying in bed, I haven't gotten anywhere when I've tried to study, but I've been able to make some progress with working on some stuff by posting on BUS a bit and I made myself go to the doctor to get a doctor's certificate for centrelink - so I got some stuff done and worked on working stuff out a little bit. . . . . all of that just to remind myself that yeah - things do change and get better and worse at different times. It's not always the same. I don't always feel the same even though sometimes it feels like that after I've been stuck in those sorts of feelings for a few days. Thanks for reminding me of that.
