Do I need to? They will heal.
[*]what had happened just before?
I had a big fight with my husband after he changed plans for tomorrow for the second time today and caused great stress and disappointment and anger
[*]what were you thinking and feeling?
That I shouldn't have lost my temper like that in front of the kids, that I needed to get a grip before I hurt the children more emotionally, that I was totally out of control
[*]why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
Because I needed to calm down - I had been stressed all day and this was the last straw - the fight with my husband in front of the kids
[*]how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
Umm, this has been coming for months - I have had PMDD since I stopped breastfeeding my daughter in March this year and every month it got worse. We fought a lot in the past week and my husband has been sleeping in another room for a week now. I am not doing well with the stress of December and having no one to help me, been fighting with my extended family that I am barely talking to any of them, my friends are on holiday, my psychologist is on holiday and despite contacting her she cannot help, I am on a new diet as they have diagnosed me with celiac now and that is very stressful and I have had no support for this either, I am battling with my sugar levels and have had minimal support for this, we are in marital counselling and the counsellor has just left for months now and not contacted us (this is a long story). I have felt very suicidal the past week and a half and wanted to self injure for a while. I know my husband does not like me, not even a little. I don't know what I could do differently. I have been trying and trying and asking and asking for help and there has been none and no one understands or can help.
[*]were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Lack of sleep - I am getting depressed, my husband and children have been waking me in the night since my eldest was born and I have not slept through the night in many years and now I can no longer sleep properly. I am off meds and have been for a while. I no longer have medical insurance for three months and so cannot get on anything stronger as cannot afford to see the psychiatrists or anyone for that matter or afford the drugs. I have some medication I can take at a lowish dose that may last the three months if I am careful so maybe I should do that.
[*]what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
After that fight I tried nothing, but I have tried journalling, mindfulness and a good number of other things to get through the last six months when I have wanted to SI.
[*]in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
Not this time. I don't think anything could have helped that I have not already tried. I maybe could have tried to slow it all down and kick the mindfulness back in - but I was totally out of control from slightly into that fight and I do not know how I could have prevented that fight - its been coming all day and I have been resisting it til I snapped.
[*]name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I don't know what I will do. Ten years of practice with these things and I couldn't get it right. I guess I will just have to start over again and try and get it right all over again.
[*]how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
No, it is not resolved. My husband will not allow me to communicate with him now - at least not for another week and possibly longer. He will not ever want to and I do not know how to reach him. Maybe he will come to a counsellor session with me in the new year and we can address it - but he is so scared of those psychologists and she just wants to keep him comfortable so he won't leave that it is highly unlikely we would ever get to discuss anything hard.
[*]are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes. I always see it coming from miles away. I just do not know how to prevent it. I have managed for so long and it all just got too much.
[*]what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
When everyone comes back from leave it will be easier - there will be people around again besides my husband. I could take the kids to a friend and go there myself. I could delay if I knew there was someone in the near future I could talk to. I could choose rather to play a game with my children.
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
- What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
I had done something wrong and got too angry and overreacted so I deserved punishment. Also it would say I was crazy and I felt crazy. I know it calms me and I needed calm to get on with all the other duties I have and I needed to calm down very fast and that is the quickest way to calm down. - Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
Both - it was only partly impulsive because having not SIed for so long there were no available tools - I had to find them which should have given me some time to stop, but it didn't. - What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
There is always an opportunity. - If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
Increased as I would have struggled to get done what needed to be done and then I would have felt even more guilty and stupid and out of control - What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
The emotions associated with it - feeling I have been out of control and wrong and have overreacted in anger. Not knpowing why I was so angry for something that is so small. - If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
They cannot be taken away - I can create them anywhere and anyhow - there is always a way to self harm even if tied up or locked in an empty room. I think if the opportunity were taken away I would be more determined to find another way to SI. However if this question refers to the feelings - I would be very glad to have those type of feelings taken away - then I wouldn't want to SI and this wouldn't come up.
