Before

[twistddreamr]

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

The urge has come up because of the stress, anger, and frustration I feel about my situation. I have been dealing with incredible amounts of stress for about a year and a half and every time there's a light at the end of the tunnel, something comes along and mucks it up.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

I haven't been to the point of wanting to hurt myself in years. I'm not quite sure what to do anymore besides ride the wave and hope it subsides.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

I have tried writing in my place, playing games, reaching out to a trusted friend. I could try talking to another friend, but it is currently too late for me to do that tonight. I could try to sleep, but that hasn't helped lately as I've been feeling this way for a couple days now. I could try looking through the coping/distraction strategies thread some more.

How do I feel right now?

Awful. Tired of being urgey, frustrated because it got to this point, conflicted because I don't want to relapse, angry at my lack of control of the situation that got me so upset in the first place.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

Intense relief.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

I will incredibly disappointed in myself for giving in. I know I'm better than this, that I have done so well in the past coping without resorting to SI. It will complicate things with J, if he were to find out/if I were to tell him. Which will then complicate everything else that got me to this point.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

It can't really be avoided right now, as it is mostly having to do with J's health. It wasn't supposed to last this long, so who knows how long til he can work again, and walk unassisted. I could deal with it better by communicating more with him, even though I'm afraid it will hurt him, and stress him out more than he already is.

Do I need to hurt myself?

If I'm completely honest with myself, no, I don't need to hurt myself. But my logical side and my emotional side don't always meet. I do not need to SI. I just need to find something that works to relieve some stress. Sometimes it's just hard to see that.

[twistddreamr]

Yes, I managed to avoid it. Thanks for asking