After...*sigh*

[Paige1989]

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes.

what had happened just before?
I was feeling very isolated and have been since I moved two weeks ago. My family is all 1200 miles away and my roommate, B, is almost never home. I texted B asking her if she was spending the night elsewhere because we agreed last week she would tell me if she was because I get so anxious waiting for her and tend to think of worst-case-scenarios, plus it is common courtesy since we're living together. B never texted me back. I think she must've fallen asleep at her parents' house, which only fueled my emotional roller coaster. She has parents 20 minutes away and mine are 21 hours away by car. This move has been really hard on me and I feel like she's not making enough of an effort to help me adjust, but that's not her place at all anyway and then I feel guilty for expecting too much of her.

what were you thinking and feeling?
Sad. Lonely. Frustrated. Angry. Alone. Alone. Alone.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I'm alone. I've been triggered almost every evening since the move. Today, with B not answering me, I just snapped.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I could have tried to talk to B more in-depth about my needs. She's almost never home so we haven't had that conversation and every day it gets worse. I should make time to talk to B about my needs so it doesn't get this bad.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
I haven't been on meds in a while since I didn't have insurance until this week. With such a major change, I probably should be on something since anxiety is a major factor for me. The move was also a major factor.

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I came back to BUS. There are other coping mechanisms I could've tried, but didn't. I wanted to SI, I guess.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I could've played a FB game. I could've taken a hot bath or put in a Disney movie. I could have read or listened to music.

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I will put a list of coping methods in my SI tool box. I will do a Before post instead of diving right in.

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
It's not resolved. I feel like I just made it worse. I don't want B to know how unstable I really am because I'm afraid she won't want to live with me. But I know I have to tell her because it's important we're on the same page. We can try to make time to talk about both of our needs and come to an agreement on boundaries.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Until it's resolved, I'll probably be at this place a lot. Maybe once the semester starts, I can make other friends and this won't be as much of a problem...

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will try to listen to music, read, or take a hot bath.

What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
I was alone and not tired.

Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
It was there. I've not been doing well with being alone lately.

What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
I don't think there would've been an urge if there was no opportunity because if B was home, I'd be less stressed.

[Spidey]

It sounds a lot like HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) came into play.

How are things now?

[Paige1989]

Better, slowly but surely. A much-needed conversation with B about expectations and boundaries and figuring out where we both stand was good. Still struggling a little bit. Definitely a lot of the HALT, especially LT. I don't have a ton of social connections in Texas yet...and I'm constantly exhausted. Trying to take positive steps, though. Getting with a counselor at school. Trying to improve communication skills.