have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.Pretty much. *goes to check* yup. Good for now.
what had happened just before? My husband called me a liar and yelled at me.
what were you thinking and feeling? I was thinking that I knew I wasn't lying or making things up and why couldn't he just realize that he might remember things differently from me. I felt overwhelmed, angry, and panicked.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time?We'd been fighting for some time. I tried ignoring him, but he kept yelling at me so I left the house and called my mom. She talked me down and said that we could call her on speakerphone if we wanted when I got back to the house. When I got back, he asked if I'd been taking my meds (which I TOLD him to never do--I told him meds wouldn't fix everything and not to ask about them!) so we started fighting again. I tried to call my mom to have her mediate, but she said she'd have to call us back in a few minutes. I went to the bathroom. My husband kept yelling at me calling me "crazy" and a "baby" and all sorts of other insults. I left the house and my mom called me back. She once again talked me into going back inside. We talked on speaker phone. Until my husband insisted that he'd never yelled at me and had remained completely calm throughout. Of course, everything is my fault...nothing's his fault. I tried to tell him that we could just be remembering the situation differently, but then he starts saying that I need to stop playing games and that I'm a liar. I go to the bathroom and cut (*note* while I'm cutting, my mom says something to my husband that makes him realize that he'd forgotten the portion of the conversation I was talking about when I said that he'd yelled at me--so no, I wasn't lying).
was there an event that was the final straw?yes
what was it? My husband yelling at me and not believing me or even being willing to admit that I might be right...calling me a liar. Not letting me get a word in edgewise. Saying that I was playing games.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.I'd been wanting to cut since the argument began. I had actually bitten my arm a couple of times to try to ward off cutting. I'd called my mom, left the house, tried to calm down. But finally, I just needed the quick release.
were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?I've been sick-ish for a few days; felt feverish and nauseous. That might have made me less able to handle stress.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? leaving the house, going for a drive, calling my mom, getting a drink of water, asking my husband to stop yelling at me....all but asking him to stop yelling had worked to some degree until that final straw.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?My mom suggested a while ago that I try typing my thoughts instead of saying them when we get into a fight because I express myself better in writing when I'm upset. I could have tried that.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.????
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?It's partially resolved. My husband (and mom) know that I cut tonight. My husband feels bad that he did something to "make" me cut. Don't quite know how to deal with that.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? Yes how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?probably in a similar way.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit totrying.
1. Take my med for anxiety and wait for it to kick in.
2. Leave and refuse to fight until I'm stronger emotionally.
3. text or call someone
