write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It won't change the fact that I broke up with J so that I could be with a person that can care for me, that is there for me, and knows how to make me truly happy. J was genuinly lovely, but he just wasn't right for me anymore, and I've tried enough with him. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring in a pain that I recognise despite not hurting myself for almost 4 years. It will get rid of a pain that I haven't ever experienced in my life and I bloody hate! - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to be able to know that I have made the right decision for me and for him. I think hurting myself would not achieve that really and would pull me away from that goal, as it would further strengthen my bad feelings for breaking up. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief would last for the work shift today, and potentially the rest of the night. After that, I am not sure if I would need to do that again. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could get sorted for work properly, and it'll mean I can get on with things. However, this wouldn't get rid of the mental anguish that I am suffering and will mean that I have to bear the full grunt of my actions. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll feel shit, because I'll have let a lot of people down and not just myself; but I think that my ex-boyfriend J would be upset to hear I have hurt myself, and so would many other friends and family if they knew I had started that up again. to do the other thing means that I would have made another day without SI-ing and I can therefore continue to work on being just friends with J. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I feel I have hurt my ex-bf J too much, but breaking up really smashed his heart to pieces. I feel it is my fault despite the relationship not entirely working and it just cannot be figured out. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have never broken up with someone after being with them for 2 and a half years/30 months before. Therefore this is brand new to me. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I tried to sleep and have had a couple spoonfuls of breakfast. (It's 5:45am here). I've also made a full lunch as I know the small breakfast wont be enough so I will be going along simply with that if I am hungry, I will eat. I am also still going to work, and if I feel things are overwhelming I will talk to my manager as she is a very caring manager too. - How do I feel right now?
I feel guilt, like a lier for the way I used to be with my ex-bf and now have broken up. I feel angry for doing it and full of tears that I can't cry anymore because I ran out yesterday. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Numb, very quiet, able to think more calmly rather than everything being a rush. Despite this, it is not going to sort out the primary thing, that I've actually broken up with J, and that I must work on taking care of myself, being able to be friends with J in the long run and enjoying each other's company in that way. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I will feel awful as I know I will have let loads of people down. Tomorrow morning will certainly be no different, and I will just feel angrier and angrier about hurting myself AND breaking up with J, so do I really need both things to deal with? - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I can't avoid the fact I've broken up with J, and I need to focus on trying to be friends with him (as he seems willing to do so last night, and I believe a further conversation today would help with securing that and easing my mind) and taking care of myself to the best of my ability. - Do I need to hurt myself?
I crave the bloody thing in the same way I crave lots of comfort food, and it's an absolute pain in the arse, however I do not NEED to. I NEED to be strong for the work day, and I NEED to still be there for J as the lovely, kind, caring friend that I still can and will want to be.
I needed to do that.
