Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will have two people very, very mad at me. I will feel better. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring a sense of calm and control. It will take away the trust I have built up with people. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I just want to feel better about things, and right now I really don't. I don't think it will help as a long term thing, only a short term one. And it will be very, very short. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Probably only a few hours. Only til I am discovered. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could talk about how I feel. But that is hard, and right now I don't want anything else to be hard or complicated. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will be ashamed I gave in. I will be tired, but probably better. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to run away from how I feel and pretend it's not there. I guess I could go out for a while and hide somewhere. But then that would be a tempting opportunity.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
The last few days I have felt lost and alone and filled with anger and sadness. I have been having very disturbing dreams that have kept me from sleeping. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
The last time I was here I self harmed. I felt better about it in the short term, but not the long term. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I have tried distracting myself, I have tried looking after myself physically in the hope I will feel a little nurtured. I'm running out of other ideas. - How do I feel right now?
Alone, angry. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Quiet, calmer. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Quiet and calm and peaceful. Tomorrow I will be ashamed. There will be consequences that I will not like. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Not really. I could probably deal with it better, I just don't know how to. - Do I need to hurt myself?
Probably not. It's more of a strong desire than a need.