write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It may make the problems that I can't deal with feel more real.
It might make me feel a bit better. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring a greater sense of reality.
It will take away my clean arms. And break my record breaking run. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel calm. And real. And like I'm good enough to deal with this. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It probably wont last as long as I'd like. Maybe six hours. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could do my uni work instead of avoiding it. It may make me feel a little less out of control. But I'll just feel overwhelmed again. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll probably feel a little disappointed in myself. But not as much as I should do. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really, REALLY want to run away from all the problems. From everything. From everyone.
I don't know what I can do that isn't that right now.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I have more problems than I can list. An abusive landlord and no way to pay him. A suicidal girlfriend that I can't help, cause she doesn't want to be helped. 20,000 words to write in 12 days. More creditors than I could hit with sticks. A mother than won't help even though she knows how desperate I am right now, even though she could if she wanted to. I could go on... - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I'm here all the time. And I just keep pushing all the feelings away so I don't have to deal with them. I've been numb for pretty much a year solid. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've come on here cause I wanted to do it so bad. - How do I feel right now?
Numb.
Alone.
Desperate. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Like I'm alive. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Guilty for giving in. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Not really. This is my entire life. - Do I need to hurt myself?
I don't know the answer to that.
