Before

[half/hearted]

* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will be numb to the fact that I drank.

* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring numbness and control, but it will take away control, in a way, too.

* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to see this as a slip and not the end of the world. Hurting myself will probably make this seem like a bigger deal than it already is.

* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It will last until tomorrow morning. Then I will be stuck with a giant Band-Aid and a wound to take care of and a lot of guilt.

* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could write in my diary. That would at least fill time until I go to sleep.

* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
If I hurt myself, I will feel guilty and angry tomorrow. If I just write, I will feel proud of myself for not hurting myself.

* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really just want to forget that I drank anything.

* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I was triggered by a story I wrote and by being drunk.

* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I don't remember. It's been a long time since I was triggered like this.

* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I have typed up answers to these questions. I could call someone.

* How do I feel right now?
Terrible. Guilty. Ashamed.

* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Numb.

* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Guilty. Ashamed. Afraid of infection.

* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I could delete the story that triggered me.

* Do I need to hurt myself?
No, of course not; I never need to hurt myself. But I want to. But at the same time, I don't. *sigh* I am so confused.