Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? If I purge, my weight won't actually change, I'll just feel like shit. If I SI, everything will be the same, but I will be hurting.
- what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? Guilt, pain, having to hide SI. It'll take away the urge.
- how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? I want to recover, and purging and/or SI-ing isn't going to get me closer to that.
- if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? It will probably last for the rest of today, but I can get through today without it anyway.
- what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? I might go for a bike ride, that would be more healthy, and it'd get me out of my head and out of the house. I'm also going to have a bit of a clean up.
- how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? If I SI/purge I'll feel stupid tomorrow, and I'll feel further down the hole that I'm digging than I already feel.
- what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I can listen to the part of me that is so tired of hurting myself. Ok, tired now. Ahhrgh.