Before

[mande]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
The situation is out of my control, but I really, really want to get some control back into my life.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Hurting myself will add another bad thing to the situation. But I want to be allowed to fuck up; why do I have to be perfect?

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
Right now I want to feel loved and cared for. I don't know if hurting myself will help, but I'm starting to disassociate and it's starting to scare me.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It'll bring me back before I numb out completely, which should help me get through the night at least. Afterwards I don't know what I'll do.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could try to sleep, and that might keep me safe. But I don't know how long that will last since I have to be up early for an interview tomorrow.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
If I hurt myself I'll feel like shit in the morning. I know I'll probably end up regretting it since my skin will be itchy during my interview.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I don't know.