after

[half/hearted]

* have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes

* what had happened just before?
I had a panic attack. then I smoked. I don't like to be smoking again, it makes me feel guilty.

* what were you thinking and feeling?
that I wanted to SU

* why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
re-reading my old diaries from when I was suicidal. it was triggering.

* how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
not looking at those diary entries would be good.

* were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
I took some xanax about two hours ago but I don't think that made me more self-harm-y.

* what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
listening to music didn't work because I just listened to sad songs.

* in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
calling someone on the phone, but I was too scared to pick up the phone and was feeling worthless so I didn't want to waste people's time.

* how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I cut because I felt worthless for smoking, I guess not smoking would be a good idea but it's so hard.

* are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I'm going to be struggling with smoking/not smoking for a long time. I'll recognize it because thoughts of harming myself will come up.

* what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
- call a friend
- call my doctor
- call a suicide hotline

[volta]

hey, h/h.
i hope you don't mind a reply to this post.
i think it's really good that you can recognize times that the urges might hit, like when you're struggling to not smoke. i had the same problem as far as reading journals goes. is there any way you can get rid of them? or if you want to keep them, maybe put them in a lock box and put the key somewhere safe?