Before-this is actually helping!

[cydney]

Before

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  It won't change because I haven't confronted all the anger I have and I haven't forgiven myself for being me.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  It makes me calmer and the anger goes for a little while. Conversely I then feel like an utter idiot and also feel very ashamed.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  Unfortunately at the moment, SIing is my only means of coping with my repressed anger. It does nothing to help me resolve my issues. It does make me more aware of the anger I have inside of me and my need to control every aspect of my life.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  The relief lasts about a day but it's mixed in with regret and embarrassment. After the relief fades, the anxiety kicks in again and I'm back where I started.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I've tried ice, elastic bands and drawing arms; these didn't work. I'm going to go through the vast list of coping strategies, but I have thought that if i promise my GP that i won't SI, this may actually work-he's one of the few people I trust and he's going on holiday for a week. You never know it may work. I don't think stopping SIing will change the situation I'm in, unfortunately, but there is a lot of psychological/psychiatric help available which might just do it.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  Actually, answering these questions has calmed me for a while and it's getting late and I have a rule that I never SI just before I go to bed. I will talk to my daughter on the phone.

CydneyX

[Heidi4DBT]

I am glad that you finding it helping. you are worth not hurting yourself.