after

[treasure]

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. yes.
• what had happened just before?i had rushed to get to a bus stop only to find the bus was still half an hr away. before that i had been to an appt.
• what were you thinking and feeling?i was hungry, tired, sad, frustrated and anxious.
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it? the final straw was my mobile phone not working. i was going to message my sister which would have distracted me, filled time and helped me vent.
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.i had to get to the bus stop to check when the bus came, but after that i probably had time to go get something to eat/drink. earlier - straight after my appt - i could have gone in the other direction and gone to the library or shops in order to distract myself.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?i was tired and hungry, and although i couldn't have changed my sleep much, i really should have remembered to eat something.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? i listened to music briefly - i should have kept doing that cos it does help. i entered some info on my phone - good distraction but didn't last long.
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?definitely should have walked away from the bus stop because there was nothing to do there. just walking might have helped, but also buying food probably would have made a difference.
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.since i browse stuff on my phone i could leave a message there. perhaps that i should go for a walk instead of waiting in one place, and to listen to music. i might also put paper and pen in my bag to use as a distraction.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?i keep trivialising the resulting si - it's not that bad, it's tiny, it's going to be completely healed very soon, it's not real si... sometimes those thoughts mean i am happy to ignore the si and go back to coping quite well (long si-free streak). other times it makes me think - well i may as well *make* some "good"/"real" si since i've already slipped and want to do it properly.
  what steps to take to resolve that?... *don't si* that's all i can think of lol. um... perhaps i could read old journals of when i was si-ing and notice all the negative consequences, perhaps i could read things i've written to myself that are reasons not to si. perhaps i will write down what is stressing me at the moment and try to find ways of reducing that.
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?it's possible, but i don't have as much time alone as i used to, so opportunities to si are infrequent. if i am in that situation i will recognise it by anxiety and finding it hard to keep my emotions under control. i need to deal with my feelings before they get overwhelming, hopefully before i really want to si.
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.i will (if i remember), try to meditate/relax, go for a walk, write something on paper or on my phone.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?i was alone, away from most people's view.
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?it was just there.
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?i think i would have cried, and perhaps done some superficial harm like pulling on my hair or something.
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?increased at first but perhaps decreased because it would have forced me to find other ways to cope.
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?the opportunity was the specific place i was waiting, having time and being alone.
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?cheated. angry. reckless.

[southsider]

*offers hugs*
My therapist gave me a piece of advice that might help you, too. I'm prone to mood swings and, therefore, urginess, if I go too long without eating and let my blood sugar get too low. My T suggested that I keep something to eat in my purse. I now have an "emergency" bag of trail mix in my bag. It's a simple thing, but it might be helpful to you in the future.

Take care!