Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
- what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
- how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
- if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
- what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
- how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
- what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Lots of things. Feeling rather overwhelmed with things right now.
1) Friend told me on Thursday she has cancer and is only expected to likve a few more years. She has not told her family and doesn't want to tell anyone at work either.
2) Very close friend seems to have got in a huff with me for reasons I don't know. Missing her and missing our friendship and she won't let me in. She's having a rough time at work and I just can't help her. I don't know what to do and say but I hate seeing her so tired and upset. Now she won't talk to me. I don't know why.
3) Friend I have been to stay with this weekend, lovely time with her but lots of talks about her money problems and I feel helpless to help her. I wish things could be better for her but I can't change anything.
4) Just come through a patch of having to amke some big decisions about my career and work and health and it's left me a bit drained.
Having jsut typed all that out it seems that there is a lot that I can't do anything about but feel that I could and should. Realistic expectations...what can I actually do? Offer friendship and a comforting ear and pray for them and their situations to heal. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Oh yes I've been here before, Many times. Usually i resort to SI. I think I want to try and avoid that (but a big part of me wants to cut and go to A&E again). Or jsut to cut. Strategies I have used in the past include bandaging my arm as a symbol of the si althoughnot acutally doing it, mild scratching, writing, playing music, distractions etc etc. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've written about it here. I have disctrated msyelf by eating (but that's a form of self harm too when I'm as overweight as I am).
Next steps:
1) Bandage my arm. Both cvomforting and means I can't get to teh place I usually cut easily.
2) Play the violin
3) try to crochet 4 rows of neat stitches. - How do I feel right now?
Stressed, lonely, scared, miserable. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Relief. Disgust. Self loathing. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Calm and "shocked". Too calm after the storm. Self loathing. Upset. - Do I need to hurt myself?
I dont' know how to move on from here. Any suggestions welcome.
Thanks
Jane