write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I can forget and hide away from how insignificant I am by focussing on something much more significant, the pain. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It wont bring anything other than blood and pain to the situation, however it will take away the constant messages that people nag on at me with regards to being an insignificant other person that is just an info resource rather than a respected person, I really want to be more than what I feel I am. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to be happy that these people actually do respect me, but I don't think this will get me closer to it at all. They'd respect me less for doing such a thing (Although at least they'd notice me at long last) - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It'd shut my mind up and allow me to do other things for a good night, and during the paper round, and then I can continue to be distracted nicely at work, BUT once that is all over and I am not doing anything and left to my own thoughts, that is when the relief is needed then. I am hoping not to enter the cycle of self-harming and that is why I am using this to the best I can to NOT get stuck in the pattern once more. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could go to sleep NOW rather than self-harming and THEN sleep. Then the routine wont change at all, it will be paper round, doctor's, work, and hopefully because I will not be in that self-harming cycle once more, I can then continue to work on self-caring and what not. I also have karate practice, that'd ease my stress I'm sure. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'd feel rather shit. I have a doctor's appointment for eczema, and I don't want it for SI also. I'd feel better with the other option because then I can continue my life with no regrets. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want these thoughts to go away, I want to be able to calm down, and I want to be happy. I hate these sort of moods.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
People joking around with me making me feel insignificant. Cutting myself wont make me feel like that. I miss my cutting. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes I have, it was only lately I slipped thought without drawing blood, and I didn't feel bad because of no blood, but I don't want to make the same mistake and perhaps draw blood and enjoy it and get worse because of it. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Well I enjoyed talking with respectful friends, like with D and his driving, giving him tips and what not made me feel useful in someway, especially when he said "Thanks" to me. Maybe I need to keep thinking about that. I've had a hot chocolate as well, and I can easily close this up after typing the rest of this and try to get some sleep. That wont hurt me, try for a while and if I cannot sleep just come back onto BUS for sometime, or play The Sims until I get tired, that works well! - How do I feel right now?
Insignificant, worthless, hopeless, unhappy about others, unhappy with himself for the progress he's made so hard work on whereas the others get it easy. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I wont feel anything really, which is what I want, I just want to see blood, I want to see emotions drain away from me. I shouldn't have to feel anything to live. Why should I? - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I can breathe, I can just get on with functioning since that is all I feel like right now. Although the next day I have got to function with those cuts, and that wont be fun. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Not really, you'll always get friends that are dicks. I just got to learn to let it slide, but I just take everything to heart, that HAS to change. - Do I need to hurt myself?
I want to say yes, but natural instincts are saying otherwise.
