Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
The situation I am in this time will not change, its innocuous, I'm just overly idle in my room. The feelings will change, I'll feel something simple and that I can manage, plus it will distract me from current idleness/ emptyness. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Bring: temporary relief/distraction/something managable and simple
Take Away: confidence/self-respect - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
Hurting myself will only compound the problems that lead me to think of doing this kind of behaviour. I want to be able to be faced with a problem, anything, and for hurting myself not to be the immediate reflex solution in my head that I have to constantly say "no" to. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
I know it is not the best solution. If I did: a couple of days/ weeks (depends on how frequent I am doing it). I'll find myself in this situation again. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could watch a film maybe, email my girlfriend whilst she's on holiday (though something about this fact is the reason I don't feel great presently), draw, read... I might just read - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll be slightly withdrawn, overly introvert. If I do the things Ive come up with, that I know really are the better things to do, Ill feel better- its just a battle against myself to do them. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Id really like to be hugging my girlfriend/ fencing (the sport), both make me feel relaxed/ happy in different ways
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Because I have used it as a solution to deal with overwhelming problems before, and so it often occurs to me to use it to deal with idleness/ emptyness/ trivial problems - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, very often; I either hurt myself or struggle through by watching a film or just lying on the coach until I get tired enough and go to bed - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Posted on this forum; spoken to a friend online. Could and most likely will watch a film - How do I feel right now?
Very idle, introvert, withdrawn - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
If i am hurting myself for this reason I feel low, empty - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
- Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I could, by keeping myself busy, but its not that simple. Ideally I'd like to be able to sit here and maybe be a little bit tired and not just be thinking about this kind of behavuour. I could and will keep fighting against this - Do I need to hurt myself?
No. Never
I'd just like to add that this is my first time on this forum and I am greatly impressed by what I have seen: the wide-range and concerted support that is apparently offered on such a willing basis. If it helps in creating a personality behind my words above, I'm just 18 and this is what I see as one of the reasons I feel like I want to do this kind of behaviour, the other is when I am paniced or angered by something
Thank you, whoever you are, for reading or replying to this; either is most appreciated
