After

tools to help you assess your urges before you give in to them, and to help you understand and learn from slips after they happen. by posting here, you're saying that you are serious about exploring the feelings behind your self-harm in depth, whether you're ready to stop hurting yourself or not. to request posting access, click usergroups above and join before and after.

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DJ_CJ
meeting the neighbors
meeting the neighbors
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Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 8:02 am
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Location: Texas

After

Post by DJ_CJ » Thu Jun 25, 2009 2:42 am

So this is an after. My brother’s brought some people home and I absentmindedly left my liquor downstairs in the fridge. They don’t know I’ve been sneaking it in since I moved back home 6mo ago. I feel horrible and now they both know about it. Injury wise... There’s nothing really to take care of. The cuts aren’t that bad. I don’t go too deep anymore. It’s the only way I can convince myself that I’m not relapsing lol
I hate being a bad influence on my brothers. I've screwed them up enough
Focusing "inward" can be good for self-improvement but like a microphone pointed at a speaker it can create a feedback loop that multiplies exponentially if not stopped. Just like a mic you need to "ride" the volume control in your mind or forever be deafened. Don't live with the squeal of constant negative thoughts. I wish you a clearer more positive focus. Good Luck

zazie
sprouting branches
sprouting branches
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Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2008 11:40 pm

Post by zazie » Fri Jun 26, 2009 4:19 am

Some questions for you to consider (answer here if you feel comfortable):

How does drinking relate to SI?

How is SI not relapsing, if it's not that deep? I'm wondering if you're conflating 'less bad' with 'acceptable'. Because I can definitely see less harm being less bad. But I'm hesitant about the idea that SI that isn't that physically harmful is somehow okay.

With your brothers, what do you think you did to them? And how would you look at your SI problem if you weren't responsible for your brothers?
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