write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I think that I will feel better for a minute, but my in-laws will still be here tomorrow. I still have trouble with my husband. I still have tons of responsibilities - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
I think that it will make me feel like I can handle things, like if I can handle hurting myself, I can handle anything. I can no longer claim the time I had not hurting myself. It was a lot of hard work. I will probably have to hide it somehow. I will feel even more ashamed of myself. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel like I faced the challenges in my life the best that I could, and that I succeeded in doing my best. If I hurt myself I will not be facing my problems, I will be running from them. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief will last a few seconds and then I will want to do it over and over again. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Right now I can do the dishes and finish cleaning the kitchen. It may not change how my in-laws treat me, but it will change how I feel about myself and I can try not to care about what they think. It will take me another 30 or 40 minutes, then I am going to call my friend back. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
If I hurt myself, I will feel ashamed tomorrow. It will have the opposite effect of what I am looking for. Instead of making me feel like I can handle things, it will make me feel like I am a failure.
If I finish cleaning the house, I will feel good about what I did for myself and my family. My in-laws may find something to complain about, and I still may have trouble with my husband, but I can't change that by hurting myself - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to cry. I want to make my family get along. To protect myself, I may want to limit the time I spend with people that I feel this way about.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I am stressed. I have a lot of lies that I havn't cleared my way through yet. I feel like I can't tell my husband everything. I did something that I didn't want to do and now I feel bad about it. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I hurt myself. I felt better for a sec, then felt worse about myself - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I called my friend. I'm calling her back in a few. I can write about it. I can do something that would make me feel like I'm accomplishing something, like school work, or house work. - How do I feel right now?
upset, but glad I havn't hurt myself yet. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
excited, scared, like nothing could hurt me. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
self-satisfied at first, and like I have a secret that no one around me could understand. Then I get upset with myself. I never meant to do as much as i did. I feel ashamed that I had given in again. I feel hopeless to stop. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I don't know. There are really several stressors at the moment. The bills. I don't like my husband. I feel horrible about that, but I can't stand him. I can't change what he is doing, and I feel helpless. I do have to see my in-laws from time to time because they are my kid's grandparents and they are good grandparents. I can avoid having them over to the house. I can spend minimal amnounts of time with them. - Do I need to hurt myself?
not now.
