Before...

tools to help you assess your urges before you give in to them, and to help you understand and learn from slips after they happen. by posting here, you're saying that you are serious about exploring the feelings behind your self-harm in depth, whether you're ready to stop hurting yourself or not. to request posting access, click usergroups above and join before and after.

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DJ_CJ
meeting the neighbors
meeting the neighbors
Posts: 251
Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 8:02 am
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Location: Texas

Before...

Post by DJ_CJ » Sat Apr 11, 2009 8:20 am

I want to SI real bad tonight. I want to get drunk enough to not talk myself out of it. I can’t seem to ever bring myself to make good choices. Nothing really good ever seems to happen to me. Let me rephrase that. Nothing I want ever happens.

I’m feeling a little at the end of my rope.


How will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
The thoughts will go away for a while but I’m afraid they’ll come back stronger

What will hurting myself bring to the situation? What will it take away from the situation?
It will bring a problem, SIing, back into the present. A place it hasn’t been in a while. It’s already taking away my ability to see situations objectively. I’m just concentrating on the urge now not the actual problem.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to not think about SI in the first place. I don’t know if a relapse will negate the progress I’ve made or only enforce it. Lol Course thinking it could enforce it, which would be a great thing, could just be self-sabotage

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could just go to sleep but what about tomorrow night. Urges are coming more often these days. I’ve got no one to talk to and I don’t know what to do about it. Side note - Sex has always been my favorite distraction. That’s not really been an option for a while. And that is the first time in a long time so could be that’s another reason my urges are back and getting stronger


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Okay so sleeping could sort of be seen as white knuckling through it. Maybe it’s not that I’m disappointed that certain things won’t happen. Cause really, I mean, who knows what the future holds. I feel like I can’t do much about it right now and what I can do I don’t want to do. I’ve hit a wall
Focusing "inward" can be good for self-improvement but like a microphone pointed at a speaker it can create a feedback loop that multiplies exponentially if not stopped. Just like a mic you need to "ride" the volume control in your mind or forever be deafened. Don't live with the squeal of constant negative thoughts. I wish you a clearer more positive focus. Good Luck

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