\* have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes, I have.
* what had happened just before?
I was on my way to class when I got physically sick while driving and when I got home, I changed and went to my room.
* what were you thinking and feeling?
I was feeling like shit. I wanted to divert the feelings of illness to something I could control. Pain I could control rather than be overwhelmed with nausea.
* why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I'm not sure. I think lack of sleep and feeling overall crappy had a lot to do with it.
* how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I haven't been taking care of myself, thus got ill, and instead of just dealing with it, I thought I could distract myself.
* were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Lack of sleep...too much caffeine led to serious mood crash when it worked its way through my system...
I can sleep better, though that is difficult. I can be more careful about caffeine use. Normally I'm fine, but today, I think I over-did it. I can stop putting so much pressure on myself when I'm already run-down.
* what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I didn't really try anything...I was going to listen to music, but my iPod wasn't working...and I thought about laying down, but I didn't think it'd do anything to alleviate the urge.
* in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I'm not entirely sure. Laying down was probably a better idea than SI'ing [clearly]...or turning on the radio when my iPod malfunctioned...or get online on BUS...or maybe look through my DBT workbook that I bought not too long ago.
* name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Try to get online, on BUS.
Try to sleep.
Take one of my antianxiety meds that I keep forgetting I have.
* how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
The situation that led up to the SI didn't warrant it and was something entirely of my control. Physically, I am feeling better, but that had nothing to do with SI and everything to do with ginger ale....mentally, I'm still drained, though, and starting with the guilt-trip for SI'ing to begin with.
* are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I probably will be. I get very...frustrated when I'm sick because I feel like it's more of a burden than anything else, preventing me from doing things I need and/or want to do.
* what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will try to mentally regroup, analyze where the urge comes from/why it comes/what I can do to avoid the trigger.
I will turn to books. I love to read.
I can get involved in text-based role-playing, which is a creative outlet for me.
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
* What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
I was in my room alone and I was upset that I was in a situation [illness] that I had little to no control over of and wanted to cause something that I did have control over.
* Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
I think I used a situation I had no control over to make an opportunity by disappearing to my room, knowing I wouldn't be disturbed.
* What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
I'm not sure. If I had to stay in the living room where my grandmother was, I probably would have watched TV or listened to YouTube or something...but it was easier to go to my room regardless.
* If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
I think it would have eventually decreased, but not before it increased for a little while. When I started feeling better, the urge would have decreased, though.
* What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
Being alone, especially in my room, though not necessarily...after anything that upsets me, but especially after a series of events or a particularly difficult situation for me to deal with.
* If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
I think it would make me more agitated to not have the opportunity, but in the same token, if the opportunities were really taken away, I might create new ones somehow...not entirely sure. I mean, in time, it would get easier, but at first, the stress of not having the availability of the moment would be really agitating/upsetting.
