Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I won't have to want to anymore. It will be done and I can sleep better. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will add control, it will take away control. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
Right now, I'm scared about Thanksgiving, about getting the house in shape, about not having enough money, I'm tired of thinking about suicide and cutting should help stop that (does it?) Hurting myself shows me how scared I really am and how things are not okay, really not okay , about how my thinking sucks right now... - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It will stop the ruminating about wanting to for tonight. It will be better until tomorrow, when I'll have to cut again. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I'm writing here, reading posts, waiting my 30 min. , wondering about stuff - adding time in before acting. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Tomorrow it won't matter if I cut tonight or not. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Somehow, I need to communicate that things aren't okay with me and that things are getting out of control and I don't even know why.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
