Before

[ultimate starshine]

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. Look at it. Ask yourself:

• How will this situation or feeling change if I hurt myself?
o I will feel relaxed. I will feel more in control of my feelings, and I will feel emotionless and at one with myself.
• What will hurting me bring to the situation? What will it take away from the situation?
o Bring- It will bring me some closure for a few minutes, it will make me feel like I have acted accordingly in the right way, and it will bring control back to the situation.
o Take Away- It will also unknowingly take control away form the situation. It will take away my inhibitions and it will take away the proud ness of being a couple a days SI free
• How do I want to feel about this in the long run? Is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
o In the long run I want to feel less evil. I want to feel less paranoid and less angry at people. I want to feel like I am liked, loved and not hated all the time. I want to feel like I don’t need SI as my only control method and I want control back in the right places and the right way in my life.
o Self harming right now will not give me any of those things but it will give me the quick and sudden release I need right now.
• If hurting me seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? What will I do then?
o The relief will last until I wake up in the morning but after that I am only going to feel shame and that shame will just lead me to wanting more control=more SI=more shame and the vicious circle shall continue.
• What is something I could do now instead of hurting myself? How will it change the situation I’m in? How long will that change last, and what will I do then?
o I could watch desperate housewives, or I could go to sleep, or I could continue talking to people on bus or playing around with my hamsters, I could also ring my boyfriend and talk to him for a bit.
• How will I feel tomorrow if I hurt myself? How will I feel tomorrow if I do the other thing I came up with?
o Tomorrow I will feel horrible... I will feel like I cant buy the dress I am planning on buying and if will feel like I cant enjoy myself on my shopping trip with my sister, It will completely muck up my planned day.
o If I do the other things I came up with I will feel more relaxed and *hopefully* happier
• What do I really want to do right now? How can I best honour the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
o As stupid as it sounds… all I really want to do right now is self harm.


Urges aren't necessarily the enemy. They happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. Remember that.

More before Questions to Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
o I feel angry at the world. And I feel angry because my paranoia is sooo mucked up right now. I feel like the world is completely against me and that everyone in the world hates me. I am paranoid that the only thing that will happen on Tuesday at work is that imam get bollocked fordoing some stupid thing wrong and I want to curl up in a corner somewhere and cry.