funky music called me out yesterday
... so yes, this time I put some water on it and covered it. what had happened just before?
Nothing, Im alone in my office really early
what were you thinking and feeling?
Nervous about telling my T Im cutting... doesnt make sence does it?
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
Im scared but nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe I just gave up. I dont want to be here.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
There really was no desicion to make. There was no final straw, yesterday was horrific and my hubby and I decided it was time to tell my doctor Im cutting. Im calmly nervous about that.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Nobody is here. Im at work very early all alone, maybe thats not such a great idea.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I did try to read. Im just not here today, it was almost as if it were my daily routine. Went to the bathroom and pulled out my tool like nothing. i dont even feel bad now, just like I a had a cup of coffee or put on some make up...nothing.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
Maybe I could have gotten some good coffee and splurged. maybe I could have finished the chapter.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Its ok to sit still and finish my chapter. Its ok to get that yummy pumkin coffee. Sometimes i dont think Im good enough to splurge on myself, I need to remeber its ok.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
My situation has not happenend yet. I need to tell my doctor. I dont care enough about me to quit cutting, but evidentially my hubby does.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I turned myself off today. Im not here today. I dont think I will feel that way at least for a few hours. I will recognize it but I will be in a public place.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying
1. again call my T
2. again call my hubby
3. get some good coffee
Weird, though. Now I will go get the good coffee. Maybe my self woth was restored a bit or maybe I just dont give a shit.
hard to tell.
