Before

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Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It won't really change - it will just relieve an immediate sense of emotional pain, and cause me to instead focus on the physical pain.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Hurting myself will allow me to focus on the actual act of cutting, instead of my feelings. But, it will take away my promise to not harm myself, and it will also leave further marks on my body, which I ultimately do not want.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel better but that just seems so impossible right now. I have fleeting moments of happiness, but I soon remember that I am alone and that he doesn't want to be with me anymore...Once I feel like this, I lose all sense of reality and the pain sets in with unrelenting speed. Cutting will only serve to release some tension from my mind/body, and allow me to focus my thoughts elsewhere. I don't know if it will make me feel closer or further from happiness. Probably a bit of both.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Relief is momentary. Perhaps it will help me sleep. Otherwise, I will just have to get up and do the day all over again and hope that I am stronger.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Let's see....I could go to sleep since it's 11:51pm. I could call someone, but i really don't want to wake them up, just to say the same thing i always say. I could cut paper instead of myself. I could use ice against my wrist, since that won't actually break skin. I could listen to music and try to meditate. I am posting here...

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will probably feel two things: first i will be disappointed in myself, that I let myself and others down. I will also be upset that i will now have two scars to hide (as i am going to a wedding on Saturday, i don't want to be wearing a ton of band aids). The other way i could feel is a bit rebellous...almost a sort of "take that" attitude. Though i don't really know who that's directed at...my husband? My father? myself?
If i were to do any of the other ideas i came up with, i would feel that I had the strength to accept my feelings and deal with them in a healthier way. I will also know that I valued myself enough to not hurt myself, which is a step in the right direction.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really really want my husband to come home. And since that can't happen i really want to call him and scream at him and ask him why he's doing this. And since i won't do any of that, i really just want to take the pain away. It just always keeps creeping up on me and coming back, especially at the end of the day. I will not cut tonight though, because I have the strength to realize that i don't deserve to hurt myself because my husband has chosen not to stay committed to our marriage.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Husband & I have had relationship issues for the past two years. He moved out last year, subsequently came back asking for another chance, and lasted only two months before wanting out again, this time for good. I can't stand it, i feel like i can't live without him, even though i have before. I just keep thinking "this isn't the way my life is supposed to be." i really don't know how to let this marriage fail.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have hurt myself before, though I have not been in this specific situation before.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've been doing everything that i've planned for myself in therapy...i am working out, i am seeing friends, i am keeping busy, i am productive at work. i don't sit around and just feel sorry for myself. i just need to keep trying, and to work through the feelings of failure and self-hate. I just need to find the strength and the motivation to keep trying.

How do I feel right now?
AFter having to answer so many of these questions, i am actually feeling a bit stronger! Not to mention the wine is wearing off....i just know that evenings are so tough and I really need to try and plan them better.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I will feel good when i am doing it because there is a part of me that thinks i deserve this, and also because that pain is a lot better than the emotional pain i am feeling right now.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I will feel guilty, i will have broken my promise to my therapist. I will wonder how to hide the latest evidence of my cutting...

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Don't see what i can do to avoid it, since this is just my life right now.

Do I need to hurt myself?
I suppose not...but we're all here because a part of us feels like we need to. It's fighting that part of myself that takes more energy than i think i have.