write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? I will feel in control. I will feel tired. I will feel safe.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? I don't understand the question. its just me. I'm all alone.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? In the long run I want to remember Jonny, miss him but no so terribly, love him but not so empty. Jonnys not coming back & I can't keep wishing I was dead. I can't be with him.
-Hurting myself, Idk. It really doesn't change the situation. It doesn't make it less lonely. I just feel more in control.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? It doesn't bring relief. It makes me feel in control but then after it accumulates, after a few days it makes me feel less in control like my life is crazy
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? I'm texting Katie. I feel a little less lonely, but still when I think about Jonny I feel crazy. I think texting katie will make me feel stable for about an hour or so.
then idk what I'll do hopefully I'll be tired and too worried about work tomorrow.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? if I hurt myself, like shit. because I already have all these scars and I have a uniform I have to wear to work tomorrow so it shows. its bad enough everyone knows about Jonny and about the cutting (in the past) why give them more to talk about? Then again I don't do it for them I do it for me.
-if I don't cut I'll just be urgy and feel crazy and feel lonely and feel out of control up until work tomorrow morning
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?right now I just want to be loved. to feel the way I did before. to be in someones arms.
-go to sleep?
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? Losing Jonny. Losing friends. losing control
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? no. ive never had anyone I know...you know... losing them to suicide.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? text taylor, but i dont want to bother her today. Texting katie.
-sleep?
How do I feel right now? scared. lonely. tired
How will I feel when I am hurting myself? dumb. I always feel like an idiot.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? right after I still feel dumb and idiotic. tomorrow I will feel calm maybe a bit embarrassed
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? no possible way. I don't control destiny.
Do I need to hurt myself? yes? idk. I'm so tired
Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.
