After

[InsrSanityHere]

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
I have. It was rediculously hard to wrap gauze around my upper arms, but I did.


what had happened just before?
I was on my floor, crying and screaming. I had just gotten off the phone with Parker and thought about how he wasn't my release and how I was alone.


what were you thinking and feeling?

I was feeling hopeless, sick, just insane. I was basically thinking, "I should call him back...no! He said he can't handle this. He's not my release, he's not my escape. I have to deal with this myself the only way I know how."


why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?I just felt so ill and I couldn't breathe right and I felt that cutting would fix it.


how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
That phone call. I shouldn't have called him. I would've been fine if I didn't.


were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
No not really. I am pretty stressed about school work and whatnot.


what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I didn't really try anything except for talking it out. Which I guess, in hindsight, I could've tried something.


in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I could've just walked outside like Damien talked to me about....


name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I think I'm going to make a list again and post them on my closet door so when I go to get my tools I'll see it.


how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I don't know if the situation has a resolution. I've just come to a realization about some things, it hurt, I freaked out, and now I'm....alive.


are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I likely will be in that situation again. I should start taking steps to avoid it, hence my posts here. I need to decide when and when not to confront my feelings.


what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will try to walk outside our get out of my room if possible.
I will try to put on some upbeat music.
I will try to just cry.

What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
I was alone in my room, as usual. Grandmother was outside.


Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
It was there for the taking as it usually is.


What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
I probably would have bottled it up or tried to forget about it like I do in school...


If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
It might have decreased. Or I would try my hardest to make an opportunity


What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
Being alone, having the right feeling, I think those two are key players. Having new tools does add to the urge as well.

If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
I'm not too sure, the opportunities are always there. Maybe I wouldn't self harm as much if I made sure they weren't there...?

[volta]

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