Before

[ultimate starshine]

How will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
In all honestey. It wont.
What will hurting myself bring to the situation? What will it take away?
bring to- It will bring shame to me, and it will bring pain and discomfort emotionally and physically
take away- it will take away my pride, courage and also the point in binning my tools earlier
How do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to bring me closer or farther away from this?
what i want- I want to be able to feel in control, happy, undefeated
where will it take me- it will take me closer for a short while and then very much farther away
If hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it gives me last? what will i do then?
Time- it wont last for long. a couple of hours at the most.
what then? I will probably feel worse than i was before, and more urgey than i was before
What is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i am in? How long will the change last and what then?
I could sleep. It would take me away frm the situation for a few hours, and when i wake up I will be straight over in my mates flat for revision, which will restrict my ability to SI
How will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? How will i feel if i do the other thing?
SI- I will feel horrible, and in a self hate, self destructive, depressed mood if i SI now.
sleep- I will (hopefully) feel refreshed, calmer, and happier that i didnt give in
What do I really want to do right now?
Not SI. curl up in my duvet and go to sleep. shower, read, anything but SI

Why do i feel I need to SI.. what has brought me to this point?
I am stressed out with revision for exams, I cant make decisions, decisions that will change the rest of my life, I feel fat and ugly, self hate, I feel worthless and completely useless and unimportant.
I have argued with friends a lot today, I have failed to quit smoking, I am completely at the end of my tether.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I dont remember feeling this bad about so much stuff without turning to SI. but using that as the "what did i do and how did it feel" I SI'd and it felt bad. Really bad. A waste of time and humiliating for me.
What have I done to ease the discomfort so far?What else can i do that wont hurt me?
I have done my workout DVD, I have had a shower, I have sat online talking to people. the only thing left would be to either sit here and revisem or sleep.
How do I feel right now?
Pretty much the same, although I am starting to wonder actually, I might be able to get through this without SI'ing
How will I feel when i am hurting myself?
I will feel in control, I will feeel brilliant, I will feel accomplished
How will I feel after hurting myself?How will i feel tomorrow morning?
Afterwards, for a few hours at the most i will feel good and relaxed, but after that, I will feel inconsolable. I will hate myself even more for giving in to something in all honesty i dont need right now.
In the morning (well, later on) I will feel horrible. I will hate myself that bit more for doing something i vowed to do my best to stop. I will feel like a coward for not fighting the urges, and i will feel even more useless for giving in so easily.
Can I avoid this stresser? Or deal with it better next time?
within the next two weeks, two of the stressers (friends and exams) will dissapear until at the earliest the end of september (hopefully) and tio deal with it better, I need to confide in a friend either here or RL and I need to calm myself before jumping to the conclusion that SI is the best option for me.
Do i need to hurt myself?
I cant believe Iam saying this, but no, I really dont