[*]what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? bring an escape from it, take away any sense of strength (though illogically it feels like it would also bring that too)... take away the chance to cope in a different way i guess.
[*]how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? farther from some of it, closer in the short term for some of it... and i want to just feel in control. i also want to not feel certain things, i want to be stronger and farther along and to have closure on things i do not right now... but also just want to feel the way i did in the past in a way, though those are feelings associated with an unhealthy situation. (& wow, reading that back it made no sense at all, eep.
)[*]if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? anywhere from the rest of the night to a few days i guess... not sure what would come after.
[*]what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? the things i think of that would change the situation seem too overwhelming & like i can't do them, i'm not strong enough, it's too much. contacting others, reaching out, things like that. but i don't think i can. so... i guess writing things out with these q's, writing things out elsewhere, distracting somehow, etc. might be alternatives even if they don't change anything.
[*]how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? unsure on those, afraid i'd just feel the same no matter what.
[*]what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now? ...i really want to harm. but beyond that i guess... i want to feel grounded & taken care of & safe. but lost on what to do to feel that besides harming.
[*]Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? i just did something i know i had to & i know is a positive thing in terms of moving on from a past abusive situation. but that has me feeling very fragile, and very reminded of all the things that happened. all the memories of that make me want to si. i feel ashamed that i miss them, and that i want to hurt the way they used to hrut me. i'm also in pain anyway and want to focus on a different pain. & i feel very alone & that makes me feel like it wouldn't matter if i did si, that no one would see, etc. i lost some "safe places" & things recently & that isn't helping &... rambling too much, just feel overwhelmed from all of it together.
[*]Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? in some ways, though i always seem to blank on how i dealt with it then.
or think that this time nothing will work. 
[*]What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? writing this out. listening to music. that's so far. i don't know what else... maybe do some self-care type things, or keep distracting. i want to cry but i'm not letting myself, but maybe if i let myself do that...
[*]How do I feel right now? ashamed, alone, overwhelmed, depressed. a lot of other feelings i can't find words for, too many feelings at once.
[*]How will I feel when I am hurting myself? blank/numb/distracted. maybe relieved or 'comforted'. maybe more ashamed. distracted.
[*]How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? right after, blank/numb. tomorrow... back to the same, i guess.
[*]Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? ..... yes, but... don't know.
[*]Do I need to hurt myself? i want to say yes. but i know that's not logically true. maybe i just need to feel differently than i do atm, but in a way that doesn't sh. but why does that seem so hard?
