before

[Binayshee]

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  
  "bored" or something and a little lonely
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  
  i ate but i don't think that was a good choice. walking
  would be good but i don't want to.
• How do I feel right now?
  
  "armunmf" sad, tired, restless
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  
  relieved, but mad at myself and disappointed in
  myself
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  ashamed. mad at self.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  
  well i don't think 3+cups of coffee in the evening
  helped. so i can not have stimulants at night. i
  had insomnia last night, too, for the first time
  in awhile.
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  
  no, but i guess i don't really know how to calm
  down because i'm buzzed from the coffee and
  i don't really have anything interesting to do.
  i feel sad because there is something i really
  want but i don't know how to get it. i saw this
  alternative house i want so much to have one
  day. to build one on some land somewhere.
  but as is i am in debt, broke, jobless, going
  to a full time outpatient program for mental
  health. did i say in debt? hugely. how will i
  ever have anything? the rest of my life will
  just be surviving. i don't know how to do
  anything else.
  
  i don't need to hurt myself, but its such a
  distraction. i could probably use a good
  distraction and to try and think more
  positively.
  
  i mean, i'm doing a lot better than i was
  before and for the first time in a long time
  i think i actually could work. so i need to
  just keep working what i'm working on,
  and not worry too much about the future
  just yet. one step at a time.
  
  "it's going to be all right
  it's going to be all right.
  it is going to be all right."

[sixtyfoothigh]

I know I'd definitely find it hard to calm down with 3 cups of coffee in my system! Cutting out stimulants in the evening is definitely a good plan.

To calm down now -
could you have a long bath (with optional candles)
a warm drink with no caffiene - like herbal tea or hot milk
listen to some calming music
go for a walk
watch a chilled out movie (I used to watch NottingHill or GroundHog Day)
ring someone for a chat

Take care
S x