Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
The situation wont change. The feelings I am experiencing will recede under the influence of the endorphines released. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Temporary relief, abit of peace and quiet in my head. The underlying feelings and emotions that are leading me to want to self harm will temporarily be dispersed due to the relese of endorphines. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I would rather employ other (less damaging) coping stratergies, and continue to work on my healing. SIing is a tempory fix, an elastoplast over a biiiiiiiiig fu**ing wound. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
12-24 hours maybe longer, depends on what I do and how much I do it. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I can distract myself by watching a DVD, playing online games, checking out my friends online, doing my nails. Or I could do some meditate for a while then, do some bodywork and get in touch with the negative feelings in my body right now.
The distractions wont change the situation, wont change how I feel. The meditation and bodywork will help alot more. If I work on myself I can effect real change rather than just patch up the hole (again) - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
For me, SI is the only way I am able to show myself love and kindness and give myself comfort. It is the only thing that doesnt hurt me. Love, shows of affection, kindness from others causes me far more pain than anything I can do to myself. Love hurts. Literally.
If I SI, will enjoy a period of peace and feel held, safe, relaxed. I can experience self-love. If I go away and do some work with my feelings I will feel different and a kind of release may well be effected.
If I SI the pain goes away. If I stay with myself, my pain stays with me and I have to work with it. The second choice is the way forward but the first choice is hard to turn away from sometimes. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
What I need for myself is to work with myself, and not deny myself this chance. What I want to do is to SI. Go for the easy release. But need is more important than want. I hope one day to be able to love myself freely, to do this I have to stay in the here and now (bugger!)
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I am working alot with anger at the moment. These feelings are very deep seated and have been there for many years. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes. Sometimes I SI'ed. Sometimes I didnt. I didnt SI more times than I did. Even though every time I stay with my feelings Its like the door to love being slammed in my face. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Gone shopping (well, might as well use it as an excuse for some retail therapy!) I still feel crap, but I got this fablous top. At least I look good!
- How do I feel right now?
I hurt. I hurt. I hurt. I hurt with an ache that has been my constant shadow since I was a child. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Like Im falling into light - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Peaceful, loved. Later on Ill be p***ed off that there is another mark. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I cant avoid my feelings any more. They need to be heard and honoured by me. - Do I need to hurt myself?
Do I want to SI? Yes. Do I need to? not as much. Its still there, but I will do other things (see above) instead. Im going to meditate for a while, get in touch with my body, do some work with myself. Then Im going to watch a film, have a nice cup of tea and chill