After:
Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.
- have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes, as much as I can. - what had happened just before?
I felt bottled up. So bottled up. It had been so long since I had last had a meltdown. But I had had the feeling of wanting a meltdown for the past many days. I've read this is a common effect of the Lexapro. Being unable to cry. I don't really remember quite what happened. The next thing I knew, I was sitting on my bed with a red spot growing on my band-aid. - what were you thinking and feeling?
I was thinking about how bottled up I've been. How the past few days have been a constant urge. Oh jeez. - why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
My brother and sister were being ridiculous to me. My sister was being annoying and disrespectful. My brother was being mean, and he was laughing at my opinions. - how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
The final straw was giving up. It was when I realized I'm dead. I realized I've become a sleep-deprived, feelingless zombie. - were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Lack of sleep. I hate sleep. I don't know how to fix it, though. - what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I tried talking. M1 and M2 aren't online. I know M2 is avoiding me. I think M1 may be as well. :'( My other friends didn't help. - in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I'm not sure. I'm still frazzled. I think I just want to give in to SI. Probably not a good idea. I could... I could... Jeez, I have no clue. I was listening to music, talking, avoiding work. I couldn't practice my instruments, because my bro and sis already are. >.< - name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! I want to give in!! i guess I could... look at my scars? I have no idea. I can't think. I'm not in a good place mentally right now. - how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
It has calmed down a bit.
- are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes. I will recognize that I have the overwhelming SI urge. I will recognize that I'm not breathing. I will recognize that I am losing it.
- what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
1. I will breathe.
2. I will try to remove myself from the area.
3. I will think off the consequences, and hmm... maybe I'll try screaming. That might help.
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
- What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
It was really simple and easy. - Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
It was there for the taking. I just ran upstairs to my drawer. Easy. - What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
I guess I would have snapped my rubber bands. Not sure, really. I probably would have made an opportunity for myself. - If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
You know, usually I'd say it would decrease. But really, these last few days have been getting worse and worse. It probably would've increased. - What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
Having the ability to have a tool and be alone to use it. Also, the right feeling. I dunno, all of the above. I guess just a chance to cut easily without someone seeing. - If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
I tried that. I ended up just finding new opportunities. I know what I'd feel like, though. It's rough. I can't think of anything but the tools for a few days. Constantly, all I see is the tools.