Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
The situation won't change, my mom will not change how she responds to me and being unsupportive because she won't know because I haven't and won't tell her I'm cutting again. My feelings will just lessen for a short time if I cut, but they will come back. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will only bring me some breathing room from the situation. It will take away from it because I will just have to tell more lies to cover up cutting. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want my mom to support me. Hurting myself will get me further away from that not closer. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief is usually pretty short lived (only hours). Then I will want to cut again. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Answering these questions. It won't change the situation, but it might help me think through it and understand my thoughts and feelings about it better. Then hopefully I can make a better decision about what to do that would help. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel like a failure if I hurt myself. I will feel proud (maybe, if I let myself) if I deal with the feelings and think before I act. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to figure out how to get in touch with what I feel and work through my feelings because even if I cut they come right back up. The best way I can honor my self-protective instinct is to let my feelings come up even though I'm terrified of them.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I'm feeling like an idiot because I keep trying to get support from my mom and she is never going to give it to me. I feel like I'm beating my head against a brick wall. I feel stupid for continuing to put myself in the position where she can reject me all over again. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I've been here a million times and I always hurt myself somehow, anorexia, SI, suicide attempt. All that did was made me feel more like a failure. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I talked to my therapist (helped for a while). I talked to a friend (again, helped for a while). Then I watched 2 movies to try to help me cut (but I didn't cut). Then I got on bus for the last several hours and read posts. Now I'm answering the questions. I can try writing in my journal or writing a poem. I can try to go to sleep and deal with it again in the morning at my outpatient program. - How do I feel right now?
Right now I just want to scream and cry. I want to be held. I wish I could let myself cry, I just can't seem to. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I will feel like I'm being punished like I should be for being so stupid. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I will feel numb. Tomorrow I will feel ashamed. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I can quit asking my mom for her opinion and expecting her to support me but it's really hard. I wish I could just make her understand how important it is to me for her to support me but I've tried and she either doesn't get it or just isn't willing to do it. - Do I need to hurt myself?