Before...after...it all blends

[phineus33]

I've looked at the before/after questions, but in all honesty, I don't know what to post here. I know that I do want to actually look at the feelings behind this, but I don't have answers to any of those questions. I don't understand my feelings. I guess that's part of the reason I do it.

How do I feel before? I don't know. Overwhelmed?

The worst part is that I don't always see it coming. I can be having a great day and then there is just such a strong urge. I don't know what the so called 'triggers' are...

Any thoughts??

[Chaocontrol6]

Hmmm well it's upto you, "tradition" as I put it is like this:

- If you are currently feeling urgy to SI and you want to try and figure out the feelings, you just copy the "Before" questions, make a topic and slowly fill it in, totally at your own pace, and as you mentioned yourself, you don't need to answer them all if you don't want to, although it's good to try and answer them all to get the best out of it.

- If you slipped up and want to find out the feelings behind why you slipped up and the ways of learning from that slip, copy and paste the "After a slip" questions and then answer that again, at your own pace.

- Finally there are also questions if you manage to get through an urge without SI, with which you can find out how you beat that urge and use what you learn here to do again if you get the same urges.

I'm really not sure what to say on having no idea about the urge, especially on when you've had a good day and it's just whammed you like that, could it be that you've had a fine day and then you realise there is an opportunity there to SI and then the urges came?

Hope this helped somehow

Jason

[phineus33]

Jason,

Thanks for the info. I guess I just get frustrated because often there is no real reason for my SI. I'm never having an especially bad day and nothing in particular seems to trigger it. I just get the urge.

I'll try to fill out the questions to help me to figure out the feelings behind it.


Thanks again!

[sixtyfoothigh]

Maybe you could use this thread to see if you can find out why you get SI urges.

The "traditional" questions are very useful. You don't have to answer all of them... just the ones you know.

And if you can't answer any of them you could maybe just write other things to see if you spot a pattern. For example. Do you always SI at the same time everyday? Do you always SI in the same place (e.g. your bedroom or your bathroom). Do you have a ritual/routine when you SI? (Don't go into methody details though.) Are there certains times of the week/month/year you are more likely to SI? etc. etc.

Also, even if you don't understand why you get the urges that doesn't mean you might not be able to answer questions about what helps you fight them.

If you write all your before/afters in the same thread you are more likely to start seeing patterns.

Take care
S x

[phineus33]

Thanks for the encouragement. I guess it's worth a shot. What harm can it do?


* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I don't really know what the 'situation' or 'feeling' is... I just feel an urge.

* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Hurting myself will bring a calmness to the situation in the short run but some shame and confusion in the long run.

* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I'm not sure I completely understand that question. How do I want to feel about what in the long run?

* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief lasts long enough to at least get some rest and piece of mind.

* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
There are so many things to do - go for a run, watch tv, hang out with friends ... but they aren't good substitutions and they don't give me that feeling...

* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel the same tomorrow regardless of which I choose...

* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Not sure

* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
This is a great question. And also one I don't have a good answer for.

* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I feel like I'm perpetually 'here' and don't have a better answer

* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've tried to keep my mind off of it, but it's always there


* How do I feel right now?
Uneasy

* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Calm

* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Afterwards there is still the confusion, shame...

* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
If I knew what the stressor was...that'd be great

* Do I need to hurt myself?
I think I may...

[Chaocontrol6]

First of all well done on trying to answer the questions, even if you weren't sure on some of them

And the question you didn't quite understand, the "How do I want to feel about this in the long run?" Basically when there is an urge to hurt yourself and if you're able to find some reason of passing through the urge, how would you feel about doing it in the say next few days or whatever and would hurting yourself get you closer or further away from reaching whatever feeling you want in that space of time.

Hope it helped

Jason